What Nonsense Is This?
by Avrel the Teller
Summary: When Madge's best friend begins receiving Hetalia units, she has no idea exactly what she's in for. Except that she really wants to kill that commie. Manual fic.
1. Commie Bastard

Hello whoever is reading this! This is a fic I decided to write as a companion to Lupiniun Star's Congratulations. You don't necessarily need to read that to understand this, but you should read it anyway if you haven't.

Anyway, this is my first attempt at writing for Hetalia, so I apologize if anyone seems OOC. But I do want to write more fics for the series, so I may as well start off with a manual fic.

Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia or any of its characters. Also, I do not own Sasha, Madge, Audrey, or, at the moment, any other OCs in this fic. The OCs are property of Lupiniun Star. Nor do I own the Hetalia manuals. Credit for that goes to LolliDictator.

So enjoy!

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><p>I knew I shouldn't have answered that text.<p>

It had been a nice, normal summer day. I woke up at the relatively early time of 10:30 after staying up half the night goofing around online. Since I lived by myself in a reasonably sized apartment, I basically got to set my own rules. Which meant doing absolutely nothing all day.

Anyway. That text. It came from my best friend Sasha Collins. She usually lived with her aunt. They had recently moved to a large house at the edge of town, and now her aunt had left Sasha alone for about a year.

Here's the thing. Sasha can't cook. I have absolutely no idea what her aunt was thinking.

Okay. So the text. I was just settling down for another well-spent day online when I received it. It said, in giant capital letters, 'MAAADGEE. IVAN. GONNA DIE. NEED VODKA. HELP.'

What the hell?

"I swear, Sasha, if you're pulling a prank or something, I'm going to freaking murder you," I mumbled as I stood up and left my apartment.

There went my well-spent day online.

* * *

><p>When I finally got to Sasha's house, I couldn't believe my eyes.<p>

The first thing I noticed was Sasha herself. She was holding an ice pack to her head, which I wasn't all that surprised about. After all, it was Sasha.

Then I noticed another girl on the ground. That was Audrey. Not sure what she was doing, but then again, no one ever knew what the hell went on in her mind…

Finally, there was the guy Sasha was leaning against. I had skimmed over him a few seconds ago, but then I looked at him again. Tall. Silvery hair. Purple eyes. A tan-ish coat and a scarf.

He looked exactly like Russia. Ivan freaking Braginski was in Sasha's house.

"…What the hell is going on?" I demanded.

Sasha didn't say anything. She looked a little dazed.

"I repeat, what the hell is going on? Sash! Answer me!" I demanded, more than a little annoyed. She had dragged me away from my day online, dammit. I was going to get some answers.

Sasha looked around, seeming to realize that, oh yeah, Audrey was on the floor and Russia was in her house! I see! Of _course_ she forgot! It makes sense! And by "it makes sense," I mean that Sasha is a freaking idiot.

"Audrey fainted," she said. No shit, Sherlock.

"Obviously," I said.

"Russia's living with me," she added.

Yeah. You know, I have these two things called "eyes," and – oh, screw it, it's not worth it. "I can see that. Now what happened? I got that weird message from you earlier today and came over as soon as I could. Talk, woman."

Sasha laughed. I swear, she is just _asking _for trouble. And by trouble I mean a fist in the face. "Alright, alright, lemme explain," she said.

This had better be good.

* * *

><p>So, from what I could figure out, Sasha had won these things called Hetalia units in some online contest she had never entered. Ivan arrived three days ago. Today, they had run out of vodka, and Sasha got dragged around while Ivan somehow managed to get vodka without an ID, before beating up the delivery guy who had come to give Ivan his ID.<p>

About an hour after, Audrey had arrived and promptly fainted at the sight of Ivan in all his glory.

…Right.

After that, Sasha had fallen asleep, and then I arrived.

I sighed and went to close the front door. "Damn Russian," I muttered.

"What did you say, comrade?" And there was the bastard himself, grinning from the kitchen doorway.

What did I say? Oh, not much. Just that you're a freaking idiot, a creep-master, and several other harsh names I really don't need to mention. "I said, damn Russian. What are you, deaf as well as stupid? And I'm not your comrade." Okay, maybe not my best insult, but whatever.

I glared at Ivan. Ivan just smiled at me. Bastard. He had his purple aura going. Some people got scared by that. I thought it made him look like a fairy. An overgrown fairy with the slight problem of being an ass.

"Wha…? Madge, why are you glaring at Russia while he's in creepy mood?" Audrey asked, finally up from passing out.

Ivan is not creepy. He's a pretty little fairy friend of Arthur's.

"Oh, it is because she is a brat who needs to learn to respect her elders," Ivan responded cheerfully. Because _that _was gonna end the matter right then and there.

"I'm not going to respect you, you commie!"

"Kolkolkolkolkol…"

Oh no, I'm terrified. He's laughing! Oh no! I must bow down to him at once! How will I ever apologize for this serious infraction on my part?

Maybe a fist in the face will work.

"…You sounded like America there," Sasha said to me. Because that was helpful and relevant to our, for lack of a better term, conversation.

"AH! America, my awesome Alfred! Do you have him?" Audrey asked, looking around as though he might magically appear out of nowhere.

"Uh, no. I don't have the hero yet, Audrey," Sasha replied.

"You two are not helping!" I said in annoyance. Jeez. If it wasn't Audrey being her strange self, it was Sasha doing _something _stupid.

They both shrugged and apologized. Like that was helpful, either.

"Anyways," I said, ignoring the commie bastard and walking over to Sasha, grabbing her arm. "You're coming with me. I am not leaving you with this idiot. C'mon, Audrey. You can spend the night too."

Next thing I knew, Ivan had grabbed Sasha, preventing me from pulling her any farther. "Nyet. My comrade Sasha will not leave," he said, like he got to decide what to do with her. I'm her best friend, dammit!

"Get off of her, idiot!" I yelled, glaring at him.

"Nyet! Sasha is my friend. My podruga." Yeah, because speaking Russian was definitely going to improve my mood.

"MYYY SPIIINE!" Sasha yelled as Ivan held her even tighter, if that was possible.

"Defender of men," Ivan said. Where the hell did he get _that _title from? "You're not going to leave me, are you?"

"Let her go!" I started pulling at Ivan's arms.

"Let me goooo, Ivan!" Sasha said. Good, she's finally starting to see the light.

"Nyet, comrade. You are going to leave me if you do." Yes, exactly. Now why don't you let go and let us be on our way?

"I'm not going to leave, Braginski! Please let me go!" Sasha said. Dammit. Ivan let go, and she glared at _me _of all people. Hey, at least I wasn't the one yelling at her in foreign. Was that even necessary?

"Look what you did," Sasha accused me, which was annoying. I was just trying to save her from the commie bastard, after all.

"I didn't do anything," I replied. "The giant commie over there was the one who was squishing you!"

"Kolkolkolkolkol…" Yeah, because that was _so _terrifying the first time.

"Leave Ivan alone, Madge!" Sasha said. Which was unfair. I hadn't even done anything!

"Fine. But I'm spending the night here," I said, relenting.

"So am I," Audrey added. "You live with Ivan! You really live with Ivan!" Uh, Audrey, sorry to burst your bubble, but that's _not _a good thing. Ivan will most likely kill someone.

"NO!" Sasha yelled before pushing me and Audrey toward the door. "You will leave this house and not return for quite some time. You will _call_ before you come over next time. You will both leave Ivan _alone_." She shoved us both out the door. I spun around and was about to say something, but Sasha politely slammed the door in my face and locked it. Politely, of course.

…She's _really _asking for a fist in the face.

I spun around and stomped off Sasha's porch.

"Where are you going?" Audrey called after me.

"Home," I growled. "I need some alone time and internet to calm myself down before I punch someone. And, seeing as you're the closest person near me at this time, I suggest that you allow me to calm down and not break into my apartment unannounced again."

"Okay! See you later!" Audrey said happily before leaving, probably to her own house.

I sighed as I walked. I really needed that alone time. And considering the next few days, I needed to be as calm as possible.

Damn commie bastard.


	2. Hero Wannabe

It's amazing, I'm actually writing this fairly quickly right now. At least, quickly for me. This is fun.

Disclaimer: I still don't own Hetalia, manual fics, or Sasha, Audrey, and Madge. I do, however, own Caleb and Joshua.

Onward!

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><p>After about half an hour, I realized that I wasn't calming down. I sighed, shutting off my laptop and getting off my bed. I glanced at the clock. It was an hour before I had to go to work, but no one would care if I showed up early. And besides, it would probably calm me down a bit.<p>

Working at the local karate studio is good for releasing stress.

I changed into my uniform and gathered together my belt and shoes. I tied my hair back in a ponytail and grabbed a couple of water bottles before leaving my apartment and walking to the studio.

I have a black belt in karate. I've been going for so long that I've lost track of the number of years. It's fun, and one of the best parts is that I can punch stuff without worrying about breaking someone's face or something like that. When I got my brown belt, I decided that I might as well work there and help out with the younger classes. It's a very trying job sometimes, however. The younger kids get very annoying, and a lot of them don't take it seriously.

That's when I spend some time at the punching bags. They're very good at stress relief. Sometimes I even bring in a photo of someone who's pissed me off and tape it to the bag so I can pretend I'm punching them. It's another good way to kill time and relax while I wait for my own class to start.

After about twenty minutes, I arrived at the studio and let myself in. My instructor, Mr. Kowalski, was currently teaching a class in the larger practice room while another student helped. I walked past, set my things down by the coat rack, and slipped into the smaller room, walking over to the punching bags.

Hm…Maybe I should have brought a picture of Ivan today…That would make this even more fun.

Then I shrugged. I really didn't care. I just needed something that would calm me down so I didn't go on a murderous rampage. If I did, there would be a certain Russian bastard and his roommate who would be the first on my list.

…I'm not implying anything. No. I'm outright stating it. Madge need calm. Madge need punching bag. Madge no get punching bag, Madge use Ivan and Sasha as punching bags. Madge win either way. Commie fairy bastard and friend who defends him lose.

No, I don't have anger management issues. I know exactly how to deal with my anger. I channel it into punching bags.

After about fifteen minutes of punishing the poor punching bag for something it hadn't done, I walked over to the wall and sat down, grabbing one of my waters. I was already a little tired, though not completely exhausted. Just as I leaned my head back against the wall and closed my eyes, I heard a voice.

"Hey, Madge! Madge Newman!"

I looked over to the doorway and saw Caleb and Joshua standing there. I grinned, pushing myself to my feet and walking over to them. Caleb and Joshua were two friends of mine. What? I _am _allowed to have friends outside of Sasha and Audrey. Sometimes it's almost a relief, considering the antics Sasha and Audrey can get up to.

Of course, there was one little detail that always annoyed me…

"How's it going, shrimp?" Caleb asked, smirking as he rested his elbow on my shoulder, which he always did just to prove a point that had been proven far too many times for my liking. On my other side, Joshua did the same.

Here's the thing. I'm not the tallest person around. I'm not short, per se. I'm more…average, I guess. But Caleb and Joshua are both freakishly tall, and they love commenting on that fact. Especially Caleb.

"Knock it off, bastards!" I snapped, shoving their arms off.

"Someone's in a bad mood," Caleb teased.

"Who pissed off little Madge this time?" Joshua asked.

"I bet it was someone taller than her. Whoever it was reminded Madge how short she is," Caleb reasoned.

"Ass," I said, half because he was one, and half because he was partially right about me being pissed off by someone bigger than me.

Caleb laughed, ruffling my hair. "I'm just messing with you, tiny," he said.

I tried to stay angry at them, but it was no use. This was almost like a tradition between the three of us, where we teased each other and pissed each other off, but all in good fun. Unless, of course, one of us was really pissed and had been interrupted during a punching bag session.

Of course. Really pissed. Now who could _that _be?

Caleb frowned, and it almost seemed like he'd read my mind when he asked, "But really, what's bugging you? You only come here early when you're stressed or angry or something. Last time you came, it was because you got a bad grade on that essay."

See, that's the thing about me and Caleb. We know each other so well that one can tell what the other is feeling easily. Sometimes it's nice, but it's also usually a pain when I'm in a bad mood. Sorta like now, as a matter of fact.

"It's nothing," I growled, turning around and stalking back toward the punching bag and attacking it again.

"That's what you said last time, too," Caleb said.

"Yeah, and remember how that ended?" I asked.

"You punched Caleb," Joshua said, still grinning. Idiot. It was a _rhetorical_ question. Obviously.

"Exactly," I said anyway. "You know how I get when I'm pissed. Why are you here so early, anyway? You're not teaching, are you?"

"Nope," Caleb said. "I came looking for you. We were supposed to hang out today before you had to work, remember?"

I paused in my assault on the punching bag and leaned my forehead against it. "Damn. I'm sorry, Caleb. I forgot."

"Obviously," Caleb said. Bastard. I could imagine him rolling his eyes and smirking at me again, but when I turned around, he was frowning, watching me carefully. "Seriously, Madge, what is it?"

Caleb is either very brave or very stupid, considering the look I was giving him, the kind of look that said "Say anything else and I'll freaking murder you." I suppose that's what's kept our friendship together, since he tended to get those looks a lot since he always seemed to find me in a bad mood.

I paused, considering whether or not I should tell them, then made a decision and said, "Sasha won these unit thingies, and the first one she got pissed me off. Simple as that. Can I go back to destroying this punching bag now?"

Caleb frowned, but Joshua made the decision for both of them by grabbing Caleb and pulling him away. "Don't worry, don't worry! Go on killing inanimate objects if it makes you feel better and keeps you from using us as punching bags." Good, at least my look works on _someone_ around here.

"Fine," Caleb muttered. "See you at class, Madge."

I waved as they left, then returned to destroying the punching bag.

* * *

><p>The next few days passed in relative peace. I decided to stay away from Sasha's house for a few days so I wouldn't get pissed off again. The day after I beat the crap out of the punching bag, I hung out with Caleb to make up for forgetting our plans. Everything was fine and dandy until some idiots from school decided to piss me off by suggesting that Caleb and I were on a date. Which we weren't.<p>

I spent a lot of time with the punching bag those few days

On the third morning after I'd been banished from Sasha's house, I decided that I really didn't care anymore. I sent a quick text to Audrey, just in case she wanted to join me, then rolled out of bed. I glanced out the window and groaned, finally noticing that it was raining. Though it would give me a reason to keep Sasha from slamming the door in my face again. Hopefully. I ran out the door, grabbing an umbrella and a coat on the way and not even bothering to stop and have breakfast.

Soon enough, I had reached Sasha's house. I walked up to the door and knocked. I only had to wait a few seconds before Sasha opened the door. Then I barged in, shook off and closed my umbrella, and tossed my wet coat onto her couch.

What? She deserved it. She had slammed the door in my face and locked me out.

"Hey!" Sasha protested when she saw me throw my coat on her couch. I hid a grin. Eye for an eye. Sasha owed me for letting her stay with that commie bastard and not trying harder to get her away.

"It's raining cats and dogs out there, Sasha. Did you want me to stand out there and get a cold? Because then I'd have to come over and stay with you, since I can't take care of myself when I'm sick." I watched Sasha closely. I could see that my reasoning was working on her.

Point for Madge. Take that, commie bastard. Bet you can't be as reasonable and logical as me. But then I couldn't resist adding one more thing. "By the way, GerIta," I said, smirking as I restarted the argument we'd been having for months. She knew I would win. She was just being stubborn. No one beats Madge.

"SPAMANO, DAMN IT!" Sasha yelled, narrowing her eyes. She's in denial. It's not just a river in Egypt, you know.

…Why did I say that? It sounded so lame and cheesy. What is wrong with my insults lately?

I heard footsteps behind me, and I turned to see that Audrey had decided to come over after all. "Geez, it started pouring so suddenly. I'm soaked. At least I brought an umbrella."

I noticed that the umbrella she had was the one she had been making, covered with the Allies and Axis Powers from Hetalia. Cue Sasha spazzing in three…two…one…

"You finished it! So cool!" Sasha said excitedly, taking the umbrella and leading Audrey inside. What the hell is this? She wouldn't have led _me _inside. If given the chance, she would've slammed the door in my face again.

Oh! But Audrey has an _umbrella_! That makes _everything _better!

It's too damn early for this nonsense.

"Yeah," Audrey replied, smiling. "Took me longer than I thought. But I finished it just in time, eh?"

Sasha laughed and nodded as though it were the funniest thing in the world. Sometimes I wondered about those two.

Next thing I knew, there was a thumping on the stairs, and a loud, gleeful yell of, "DUDE, LOOK WHAT I FOUND!"

Damn. Damn it. Damn, damn, damn, _damn_. That had _better _not be who I think it is.

I braced myself and risked a glance in the direction of the staircase. And sure enough, a certain American was running toward us, a video camera in his hand. He looked over me and Audrey and grinned. "Hey, more of my citizens!"

It really is too early for this.

I slapped my hand to my forehead. "You got America?" No, that didn't need answering. I turned to address the nation himself. "Well, I'm Madge, and that's our friend Audrey."

Audrey, however, didn't pay any attention to me. She was staring at Sasha with this weirdly serene look that she got right before she was about to spaz out about something, good or bad. Considering the circumstances, I assumed it would be bad for Sasha.

"Sasha?" Audrey said.

"Yeah?" Sasha replied.

"You got America?"

"Uh-huh. He's standing right in front of us." Again, no shit, Sherlock.

Next thing I knew, Audrey was strangling Sasha, yelling, "SASH! WHY DON'T YOU CALL ME WHEN THESE THINGS HAPPEN?"

"AH! LEMME GO, AUDREY!" Sasha yelled back. "I JUST GOT HIM YESTERDAY! I DIDN'T HAVE TIME TO CALL YOU BECAUSE OF THIS IDIOT BEING WEIRD AND TORTURING ME!" Weird. My excuse would've been that Audrey would just spaz out and faint again. I suddenly heard giggles from the kitchen, and Sasha yelled, "IVAN, EAT YOUR WAFFLES!"

Damn it. The commie bastard was nearby.

Alfred had been laughing during all of this, since he's a freaking idiot, but when he heard Sasha yelling at Ivan, he immediately stopped and said, "Oh, yum! I was starving!" He dashed into the kitchen.

"MY WAFFLES!" Sasha yelled, finally getting rid of Audrey and running after him. "NO!"

I followed her in, taking in the sight of Alfred eating Sasha's waffles. With his mouth open. Disgusting. Stupid hero wannabe.

"Relax, Sash," I said. "There's four left." I walked over to the plate containing the waffles, took two, and stuck them in the toaster. Soon, they were finished, and I transferred them onto another plate. Sasha made as though to take the plate, but I moved it out of her reach as I went to sit at the table. "These are for me. Get your own."

Two points for Madge. I'm on a roll.

I snickered at Sasha's expression. It got even better when Audrey said, "Oh, goodie! There's two left for me!"

Sasha fell to her knees, shouting, "NOOOOOO! MY WAFFLES! WHYYYYY? WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS?"

Allowed the commie into your home, wouldn't let me take you to my apartment and let me sleep over, kicked me out of your house…Was that a rhetorical question?

Of course, everyone stared at Sasha's display. Except for the hero wannabe. He just continued to eat before saying, "Anyway, I found Sash's camera!"

Do I really need to say it again? No shit, Sherlock. That's quickly becoming a catchphrase of mine, though considering the idiots I'm dealing with, I'm not all that surprised.

"Cameras are awesome!" he continued. "I'm going to take some good videos with this!"

Sasha stared at all of us with that kicked dog look. I glanced away from her. "You guys…stole all my choco chip waffles…I'm hungry too, you know."

Tough. Shouldn't have locked me out.

"Didn't you say you had extra waffles in the freezer in the shed?" Ivan asked.

Sasha perked up at this. "YES!" Then she looked outside and remembered the tiny little problem of that fact that it was pouring outside. Can't imagine how that had slipped her mind, what with me throwing my wet coat onto her couch. "But it's really raining hard…I think I'll just get an umbrella."

"C'mon, Sash!" Alfred said. "Just run out there and back in. It won't take long at all."

Oh. Ohhh. Could Alfred be planning something that I'll actually like? Let's see…

Sasha hesitated, then made a decision. "Alright. I'm going to hurry." She opened her sliding glass doors and took off running toward the shed.

Immediately, Alfred slammed the doors shut and locked them. He turned to me and Audrey, excitement in his eyes. "Quick! Go lock all the other entrances!"

I grinned. I was liking this plan. Audrey and I dashed around the house, locking everything. We made it back in time to watch Sasha run back across the lawn to the house while Alfred started recording with Sasha's camera. It got even better when she attempted to open the door. "GUYS! LET ME IN!" she yelled through the glass, trying to open the door again as though it would magically open.

We were all laughing. I couldn't figure out how America could hold the video camera steady.

"Guys, seriously! I'm all wet!" Sasha complained.

"Admit GerIta's better than Spamano," I immediately said. Never waste an opportunity to prove someone wrong.

"No! Spamano for the win!" Damn it, Sasha, give in already. It's a lost cause.

"Admit that I'm better at finding anime than you!" Audrey said, joining in.

"No chance, Aud. I showed you Hetalia, remember? Don't diss the anime finding skill." Audrey pouted and crossed her arms. Shut down.

"Become one with Mother Russia, da?" Ivan said, suddenly looking serious. Bastard.

"No!" Alfred had that excited look back. He leaned over to Ivan and whispered something to him before coming over to me and Audrey and telling as well. My grin got even wider, if that was possible.

"Dance," Alfred told Sasha.

"WHAT? NO WAY!" Sasha protested.

"Guess you'll be staying there, then," Audrey said.

"Because we locked all the other entrances," I finished smugly, smiling at Sasha. Three points for Madge.

"Dance, defender of men," Ivan said. I _still _don't understand that name, but oh well. "I want to see you dance."

"Yeah, yeah!" America said, fist-pumping and still managing to hold on to the camera. Where the hell did he get so much energy from? "Do it! We'll let you in if you do! Like, do the Running Man!"

"The Sprinkler!"

"The Cabbage-Patch!" This was going to be fun. Take that, Sasha.

"The Kazachok," Ivan suggested, which completely ruined the general good mood. Or, at least, ruined it for me.

"Um…no," I said. What the hell is the Kazachok? On second thought, if it has anything to do with the commie, I don't want to know.

"But I wanna see her do the…the Kassychook!" Audrey said, failing at pronouncing the word. Of course, Russian is impossible to pronounce, so I can't blame her.

"I don't even know how," Sasha said. Hey, you're not supposed to be logical. _I'm _the logical one here.

"Fine," Audrey agreed. "But do there rest or you stay out there."

Sasha groaned, but finally she started to dance, Alfred taping it the entire time. We could barely stand, we were laughing so hard. When she finally finished, Ivan opened the door and let Sasha inside. She immediately smacked me, Audrey, and Alfred, which wasn't very nice. Sadly, she didn't hit the commie. "I'm soaked! You guys are imbeciles!" She stomped off.

"Dude, she was totally soaked," Alfred said. "Good thing France wasn't here…"

There was a sudden shout of, "SHUT UP, ALFRED!" before the box of waffles came sailing into the room and smacking Alfred in the head, which made me laugh louder.

If I knew what was coming, I wouldn't have been laughing.

* * *

><p>It happened one week later. I had been reading when I heard someone trying to buzz in. I walked over to the intercom and buzzed the person in. Maybe Caleb or Joshua had come over. They promised that they might stop by.<p>

But when I opened the door, expecting to see one of the guys, I instead saw a short guy with a pierced ear wearing a Flying Mint Bunny uniform. "Are you Miss Madge Newman?" he asked.

"Yes," I replied hesitantly.

"Delivery for you. Sign here," he said, handing me an electric signer.

"Um, okay…What for?" I asked as I quickly signed.

The guy looked surprised. "Weren't you told? Someone's chosen the 'share with friends' plan. Every so often, you'll receive a unit."

No. no, no, no, _hell _no. "Who did this?" I asked as he wheeled a box into my apartment, though I was pretty sure I knew who it was.

"Miss Sasha Collins," he said. "Have a nice day." He turned and left my apartment.

I am going to freaking murder her.


	3. Side Story 1: You're My Friend Now

Hello, and welcome to the first side story!

Let me explain. Every so often, I will write a chapter that isn't a part of the main plot. I have a couple of reasons for doing this. First, I thought it might be fun. Second, I want to add some more original scenes to this story so that it doesn't just turn into a carbon copy of Congratulations with Madge snarking at everyone. Third, since this is a companion fic, my update schedule will depend a lot on how often Star updates Congratulations, and this should help slow down how fast I catch up to her and also give you something to read while you wait (though I'll try not to post too many in a row). And fourth, it'll be a good place to take care of backstory and focus on one-on-one relationships between characters.

These will all be random and will most likely have no direct relation with each other. Some of them won't involve the units, some of them will focus on the units, some will focus on Madge, Caleb, and Joshua, some will focus on Madge, Sasha, and Audrey, and so on.

So onward to the first side story!

* * *

><p>The first time I saw him was in first grade.<p>

It was a few weeks into the school year. I remember craning my head to see the new kid with the wavy blond hair and hazel eyes. He was tall, even back then.

"Class," my teacher said, "we will have a new student joining us. His name is Caleb Anderson. I hope you will all make him feel welcome."

There was a general shout of "Hello" from the class as Caleb walked to his seat. He had his head ducked down, which I could understand. I mean, really, who wants to be the center of attention like that?

Beyond that first day, I never really noticed him. I was a girl, he was a boy, and in my seven-year-old mind, that was all the justification I needed. I don't think I ever even talked to him outside of group work. But I do have these random memories floating around.

I remember our class's Halloween party. He was a vampire, with those plastic fangs and the cape and everything. I remember him trying to bob for apples with the fangs on, only for him to lose them in the water and have to fish them out.

I remember working together when decorating our classroom for Christmas. We were in charge of making those paper chains, and we argued about how many we should make and whether we should make all-green and all-red ones or a mixture.

I remember putting a Valentine card into his Valentine's Day box. It was nothing special; it was just the kind of thing a seven-year-old would give out, one similar card to each member of the class with a little candy attached. I remember that he had decorated his box with pictures of soccer balls and baseballs and other things boys his age liked.

And I remember signing his yearbook at the end of the school year, and he signing mine. I signed in the neatest writing I could manage. He signed with a messy scrawl that I could barely read.

In a way, it's strange. Here's this boy I never paid the slightest bit of attention to, yet I have all these scattered memories of him. It's almost as if seven-year-old me knew that we would be friends someday and was determined to remember these little moments.

* * *

><p>The second time I saw him was in third grade.<p>

Near the beginning of the school year, I had started taking karate lessons. My parents had thought it was a good idea. Something about controlling my anger or having somewhere to release it safely or something stupid like that.

Anyway. I remember that, about a month after I joined, he joined as well. We generally stayed apart from each other, and though I was starting to get over that "boys-have-cooties" phase, I still wasn't willing to interact with him. I had better things to do, like improve my skills.

Which, in the beginning, were sadly lacking.

"Oof!" I had lost my balance and fallen over while attempting a then-difficult kick, and as I was pushing myself to my feet, I heard a laugh from behind me.

I spun around, falling over from the half-standing position I'd been in, and looked up at the smiling face of Caleb.

"You'll never get it right doing it like that," he said in what sounded like a superior voice to nine-year-old me, which really pissed me off. I was taking lessons longer! Who was he to correct me?

"Jerk!" I said. "Go away!"

But then, still laughing, he extended his hand to me. "I'll show you the right way to do it, if you want." He seemed almost shy as he said that.

I hesitated a moment. My pride was telling me to ignore his hand, get up on my own, walk away, and act like nothing had ever happened. But then I looked up at him. He looked a little nervous, like he was scared that I'd reject him. I gave in and put my hand in his, letting him help me up. "Fine. Go ahead."

After he had showed me and walked away, I wondered if maybe this was his way of telling me that he wanted to get to know me better.

* * *

><p>The third time I saw him was sixth grade.<p>

I remember being so proud of going into middle school. We had more than one teacher! And we got to switch classrooms! But what I hadn't realized was that the classes would get much harder and that we no longer had recess.

I think the second one devastated me a little more.

I was a little surprised to find that Caleb had ended up in most of my classes. He had gotten glasses sometime over the summer, and I almost didn't recognize him. We hadn't really talked much since he helped me with karate. At first, I found it strange, but after a while I forgot about it.

We hadn't seen each other much during our last years of elementary school. We'd been in different classes, and we never had much reason to hang out together. During karate, we often stayed on separate sides of the practice room, concentrating on our own stances.

But in middle school, something changed. I suppose it started when our English teacher assigned us to work on a project together. It's impossible for you to work one-on-one with someone and not get to know each other.

After a while, we started to talk more and more. Sometimes we would help each other with karate or schoolwork. Sometimes one of us would walk over to the other before class started to say hello, ask how the other's day was going, how the other did on this test or that project. The sort of things twelve-year-old me found important. Was karate going well? Do you need any help? Could you show me how this stance was done?

And so it came as no surprise when we began hanging out more often outside of school.

It was nothing special. We usually just went to one of our houses. Sometimes we saw a movie. Sometimes we went bowling. The kinds of things friends do together.

And soon enough, we were comfortable with each other to start teasing each other.

I remember getting a call from him one day, asking if I wanted to hang out sometime over the weekend. Of course, what he really said was, "Hey, shorty, you want to come over to my house this weekend?"

"Hey! What gives with the nickname? I am not short, you jerk!" I yelled.

"You're shorter than me."

"That doesn't mean I'm short! Where do you get off on calling me short?"

He laughed. Jerk. "You're my friend now. I can call you whatever I want, tiny."

I sighed, but then I smiled to myself. Friends, huh? For some reason that made me incredibly happy. I guess it's that feeling you get when you know you've made a new friend. There's nothing in the world quite like it.

"Madge? You still there?" he asked.

Still smiling, I answered him: "Yeah, I'm still here. I'll definitely make it over sometime this weekend."


	4. Kuma Freaking Jirou

It took me about two seconds to decide what I should do.

I ran over to where I'd left my cell phone and called Sasha. When she finally answered, I yelled at her as loud as I could. "SASHA WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO?" I really don't care if I just deafened my best friend. She deserves it.

"What did I do?" she asked. Oh, she is just _asking_ for a fist in the face.

"THERE'S A FREAKING GIANT ASS BOX THAT I HAD TO SIGN FOR. IT'S ONE OF THOSE THINGS! THE FUCK. DID. YOU. DO?" My throat was definitely going to hurt later, but I don't really care.

I heard maniacal laughter from Sasha, which did nothing to help my mood. "REEEVEEEENGEEE, MADGE! SWEET, SWEET, REVENGE!" Damn, I hate it when she gets into her creepy mode. And revenge for what?

Oh, wait…I kinda locked her out in the rain and made her dance while being recorded, didn't I? I guess someone could possibly hold a grudge and want revenge for that.

Before I could respond, Sasha asked, "So, who'd you get?" And she's normal again.

I sighed. Did it _matter_? She sent me one of those freaking insane units. Life around here's gonna be hell with one of them around. "Hold on, let me check…" I needed to learn my fate eventually. I looked around until I finally found the manual and opened it. I slowly read the name. then read it again. I grinned. Oh, Sasha, you fail at revenge. Didn't I say that Madge always wins? I laughed to myself, then answered, "Matthew Williams."

"Who," Sasha said, clearly annoyed but still doing our thing.

"_Canada_," I responded before bursting into laughter.

"I know. Don't open him. I'll be right there." She hung up on me, which was kinda rude, but I didn't really care. I had one of the sanest units, and she was stuck with two insane units who don't like each other!

Sasha's life sucks, doesn't it?

* * *

><p>After buzzing Sasha in, I sat back down next to the box and began skimming through the manual. His French mode sounded a little creepy…<p>

Suddenly, my door was thrown open by Sasha, followed by the commie bastard and the hero wannabe. Damn it.

Sasha suddenly yelled, "LET'S SEE THIS FUCKING SANE UNIT, MADGE."

I jumped, losing my grip on the manual. Well. This is a complete one-eighty from how Sasha was feeling not too long ago.

"Oh…oh, shit! Sash, you can't do that!" I put a hand to my chest, trying to catch my breath.

"Fine, fine," Sasha said, her entire mood changing _again_. What is up with this girl? "Let's see that manual."

I turned back to the first page and paled when I noticed something I had missed earlier: 'CONGRATULATIONS! You have just purchased a MATTHEW WILLIAMS unit of your own! To ensure that you use your new buy to the very best of his abilities and that you avoid painful, unexpected brushes with death, we've provided you with this manual.'

"Maybe he's not as sane as I thought," Sasha said. "Let's figure out how to open him, shall we?"

I skimmed through the listed ways. These were the _safest_ ways? Half of them are things no one in their right mind would do!

"I guess I can do one," I said, shrugging. How hard would it be to play the Canadian anthem? I turned to get my laptop, only to find that Alfred had _somehow_ figured out my password, gotten onto Youtube, and started playing Party In The U.S.A. How the _hell_ did he manage to figure out my password so quickly?

Then shouting came from the box, or as close to shouting as Matt can get. "Alfred! Turn that down! It's terrible!" Next thing I knew, the box was punched open, and Mattie was sitting up and glaring at Alfred. Yay!

"Ah, Matvey!" Ivan said. "We should play hockey soon, da?" HELL. NO.

"Oh, um, sure," Mattie said quietly. NO FREAKING CHANCE.

"You sent me Justin Bieber, Mattie!" Alfred suddenly broke in. You're late, you idiot, we already changed the subject! "Why should I turn down a girl singing about partying in me?"

Oh dear lord.

Sasha and I stared at each other, then at Alfred, then back to each other, then at the floor, and so on. Then we just completely lost it, laughing.

"That sounds…so wrong, Al," Sasha somehow managed to say between her laughter.

Alfred and Matt stared at us as we laughed. I guess we did look a little ridiculous, but still. The hero wannabe's an idiot, but at least he sometimes makes me laugh, unlike the commie bastard.

Eventually, we managed to control ourselves and get up. By this time, Mattie had gotten out Kumajirou and was holding him. "A-anyways, Al, I only sent him to you because you sent me Miley Cyrus," he said. Ah, the arguments between nations. Gotta love 'em.

"But Bieber's way worse!" Alfred protested. "Come on, how can you put your own brother and his citizens through that torture?"

"Quite a few of your citizens seem to like him," Mattie said. Which was the sad truth.

"Is it his fault most teenage and pre-teen girls that are his citizens have absolutely no taste?" Sasha muttered as she finally turned off the horrible song. Finally, something we can agree upon.

"Da, Matvey," Ivan said as he pat Mattie on the head. Get away, bastard, you're not corrupting him! "Good job with Justin Bieber." Poor Matt looked horrified. Can't say I blame him, but he really should have punched Ivan in the face.

"Hey, Ivan, look, vodka!" Sasha said, pointing to a bottle she had apparently brought.

"Spasibo, defender of men," Ivan said, taking it and sitting on my perfectly good couch. Damn drunk. I'll have to clean that couch now.

"So…" I said, looking around. "What now?"

"Who're you?" Kumajirou said, looking up at Mattie.

Mattie looked at him sadly. "I'm Canada!"

* * *

><p>After Sasha and her units left, I began considering a new problem.<p>

I live in an apartment. A freaking apartment. Sure, it's not tiny, but it's nothing like Sasha's giant house. If I keep getting these units, I'll be in trouble. I have a guest room, and I suppose there's always the couch, but if I get too many units, I'm gonna end up with a world sleepover.

Well, there's nothing I can do now unless I call Sasha to yell at her some more and she comes back with the commie bastard and hero wannabe.

"C'mon, Mattie," I said. "I'll show you your room."

Matt followed me as I led him to my guest room. It was nothing special, really, just a spare room for people who wanted to sleep in a bed when they came over, though it was usually used when my parents or my sister, Bridget, came to visit. But now it would belong to Matt. Bridget can sleep on the couch.

At that moment, I heard someone trying to buzz in. "Aw hell, who is it now?" I muttered, walking out and buzzing them in.

It wasn't long until I heard a knock on my door. Good, at least _some _people were polite and didn't just barge in. No, I'm not referring to anyone. Definitely not.

I opened the door to see that Caleb had _finally_ shown up. "Sorry I'm late," he said, coming in. "Joshua was telling me about – who the hell is that?"

Damn. I guess Matt followed me out. "Oh. Um…" How the hell do I explain _this_? Caleb knew next to nothing about Hetalia!

"I'm Matthew Williams," Mattie said quietly, "and this is Kumakuro."

"Kumajirou," I corrected.

"Right…" Caleb said. "Why does he have a polar bear?"

I sighed. Damn it, Sasha, this is your fault. "Let me explain…"

* * *

><p>After I had finished explaining, Caleb was silent for a moment. "So… Sasha won these units that are characters from a show you guys watch?"<p>

"Yep."

"And Sasha won them in a contest?"

"Yep."

"And you pulled a prank on her, so she tried to get revenge by sending some to you?"

"Pretty much."

"Well, that sucks." Way to get to the point, Caleb.

I shrugged. "Well, Mattie's one of the sanest units. You should see the two Sasha has now, Ivan and Alfred. Or the commie bastard and the hero wannabe. Whichever works better."

Caleb blinked. "Um, okay…"

"Anyway," I said hurriedly, "what was that you were saying about Joshua?"

"Oh yeah!" Caleb said, remembering. Why am I surrounded by _idiots_ who forget important details? "Joshua told me to tell you that he'll be over in a bit. He had a job interview."

That surprised me. "Joshua? Get a job? I thought he was just going to work with us?"

Caleb shrugged. "He's a terror to little kids everywhere. Do you really think Mr. Kowalski would hire him?"

"Point taken. What job is he trying to get?"

"Who knows?" Caleb looked over at Matt, who was sitting by himself. "Uh, does he ever talk?"

"He probably has been, but we've been speaking over him," I explained.

"Who are you?" Kumajirou asked again, looking up at Matt.

"I'm Canada!"

Caleb looked a little taken aback. "The polar bear speaks?"

"His name's Kumagama," Mattie said quietly.

"It's Kumajirou, damn it!" I turned back to Caleb. "Yes, the polar bear speaks, though not often, and he usually just asks who Mattie is."

Caleb was saved from answering when I heard someone trying to buzz in again. I'm just so popular lately, aren't I?

"That's probably Joshua now," Caleb said as I buzzed my visitor in. "Maybe he's gotten the job."

"Don't get your hopes up. This is Joshua we're talking about," I muttered. Soon enough, someone knocked on my door, and I flung it open. "…What the _hell_?"

"Hey, Madge! Hey, Caleb!" Joshua said, grinning as he came in. I just stared.

"What the _hell _are you doing wearing a _Flying Mint Bunny _uniform?" I shrieked. Because he did indeed have the shirt and insane hat.

"Oh, you know them?" Joshua continued grinning. "I got a job with them delivering – Oh, hey! You have one!"

"No shit, Sherlock!" I yelled. Why? Why am I surrounded by such _idiots_?

"Um, I'm Matthew Williams," Mattie started again, trying to introduce himself over my yelling, "and this is Kumasarou."

"It's Kuma-freaking-jirou!" I yelled in a rage.

"So you ordered these?" Joshua asked. "Cool! I'll see if I can deliver them to you!"

"I didn't order them! Sasha set it up so that I'd get some!"

Joshua hesitated, the grin fading a bit. Then it was back. "But you're receiving them? Great!"

I groaned, hitting my head on a convenient wall.

"Uh…Is Madge in a bad mood?" Joshua asked Caleb.

"She's still pissed at Sasha, and I don't think you're helping," Caleb answered. "By the way, I was wondering, how tall are the Ivan and Alfred units?"

I think I know where this is going.

"Alfred and Ivan are both really tall," Joshua answered. "Alfred's 6'1", and Ivan's 6'2"."

"So they're really tall?" I did not like the sound of Caleb's voice.

"Yep." Damn it, Joshua's catching on.

Caleb walked over to me and ruffled my hair. "Well, what do you know? Someone taller than Madge _did_ piss her off!"

I will murder all of you.


	5. Failed James Bond

Maybe having the meekest unit isn't necessarily a good thing.

I mean, sure, at least he doesn't try to rape me or destroy things or anything, but nothing ever really happens with Mattie. But I don't think I want to see him in his French or Manada modes, either, since that would be damn creepy.

So of course, I didn't expect him to suddenly appear when I thought I was alone.

"Madge? Are you going somewhere?"

I stifled a shriek, turning around. "Damn it, Mattie! Don't sneak up on me!"

Matt mumbled something, and even though I strained to hear him, I couldn't make anything out. "What was that?"

But he just shook his head, and I remembered something in the manual about him never repeating what he says. He'd be a perfect spy if anyone would actually listen to what information he found. He's liked a failed version of James Bond.

"Anyway, I'm heading to my karate dojo," I said. Then, before I even thought about what I was saying, I asked, "Do you want to come?"

Matt thought it over for a bit. "I suppose."

Genius, Madge. Let's just invite a unit along! Nothing bad will happen! He's only from an insane show! Granted, the worst Mattie could do was get punched or something because no one saw him, but still.

"Come on, then. Car," I said, grabbing my keys off the counter. Normally I would walk to the dojo since it's not too far away, but I didn't want Mattie being hit by a car or something. That would probably not end well.

We left the apartment and walked down to where I had parked my car. It wasn't the biggest or the fanciest car around, but it worked. I got into the driver's seat and waited for Mattie to get in. Of course, he _somehow_ managed to get in without a sound. How the _hell _does that work? Shouldn't I have heard the car door open and close?

But anyway. I got over that momentary shock and drove to the dojo. It was a quick ride, only about five minutes, and it was also very, very quiet. Kumajirou wasn't asking who Mattie was, and if the failed James Bond had said anything, I hadn't heard it.

Since today I didn't have to work, I waited out in the hall for my class to start. I glanced into the room and noticed that Caleb was teaching. He looked up and saw me, then grinned and waved. I waved back, then waited patiently for his class to end.

As I waited, more of the students began to show up. There was Eric and his younger sister, Amanda. Ella came next. Her older brother, Jack, was with her, though he would be going back to college in the fall. Alex, Daniel, and Sean walked in together, and Rachel was the last to arrive, dashing in with a minute before class started as usual.

Of course, none of them noticed the failed James Bond next to me.

Once the class started, I pretty much forgot about Mattie. In fact, it was only when Caleb asked me what Matt was doing here about halfway through class that I remembered.

"Ah, I let him come along. Why not? He's not insane," I said. "And speaking of insane, where's Joshua?"

"Work," Caleb replied. "Josh said he'd probably have to change his schedule here, his work's so busy."

Well, at least he's not busy sending me units. "Do you want to hang out after class? I don't have any plans."

Caleb smiled. "Sure why not? Are we going to bring Matt?"

"Yeah. Can't just leave him here."

"Alright, then. But we should probably get back to actually practicing before we get in trouble."

* * *

><p>After class, Caleb, Mattie, and I headed out. I had to grab Matt's arm before I forgot that he was there again. We decided to just walk around, since everything was nearby. We really didn't do that much. We walked. We talked. We had a good time.<p>

Eventually, we stopped by a little pizza parlor for lunch. We had just ordered our food and sat down when my cell phone started ringing. I glanced at the caller ID and groaned. "Damn it. I'll be right back, guys."

I got up and walked outside, since it was loud inside the pizza parlor. i answered my phone, growling, "What is it, Audrey? I'm kinda busy right now."

"I went to your apartment, but you weren't there!" Audrey said. No shit, Sherlock. "So I decided to call you."

I tried counting slowly to ten, but I got impatient and said, "Damn it, Audrey, _how _many times do I have to tell you to _call_ before coming over to my apartment? You _know_ that I have more of a social life than Sasha; you can't just come over and expect me to be there!"

"But it's important!" Audrey whined.

"FINE!" I yelled. Great, now I'm in a bad mood. "If it's so damn important, come to the pizza parlor near my dojo."

"Okay!" Audrey said happily. "I'll see you there!" Then she hung up.

I sighed, leaning my head against a convenient wall. I don't know who was more tiring, Sasha or Audrey.

Oh well. I guess all I can do for now is wait. It should only take her about ten or fifteen minutes to get here. I'd better go warn Caleb and Matt.

* * *

><p>Soon enough, Audrey arrived and pretty much ran over to our table. "Sorry to interrupt the date, but this is important!"<p>

She really _is _an idiot.

"Ow! Don't punch me!"

"So," I said as Audrey rubbed her arm and glared at me, "what _exactly _is so important?"

"It's sleepover night!" Audrey said.

Ah. Sleepover night. Of course, it was that time, wasn't it? Sasha, Audrey, and I tried to have a sleepover at least once a month. They could be insane, and Audrey tended to get drunk, but otherwise they were pretty fun. "Where are we going to have it? Your house?"

Audrey grinned. "Here's the fun part! Since Sasha has the biggest house, we're going there!"

Excuses. "You just want to see the commie bastard and hero wannabe again," I accused.

"Well, yeah," Audrey said. Hey, you're supposed to _deny_ that so I can have fun at your expense! "But we had it at my house last time, and your apartment's tiny."

"It's not that small! It's a good size!"

"And someone always ends up on the couch. Usually me."

"That's because you're always drunk and pass out on the couch. Don't blame us."

"Maybe if you guys would drink with me I wouldn't have to blame you."

"I take a sip."

"_A_ sip."

"If you try to force me to have anymore, I'll kill you."

"Um, do you guys want me to leave?" Caleb interrupted, nibbling on a piece of pizza. "Because I can, if you want."

"No. Stay," I said.

"Really? Because I'm hearing all kinds of interesting things. Little Madge, drinking under the age?" He grinned at me.

The grin disappeared when I whacked the back of his head. "Shut up. It's one shot. That's not nearly as bad as what this one gets up to," I said, gesturing to Audrey, who looked back at us innocently.

Caleb shrugged. "A shot is a shot. It's not good for you."

"Shut up and eat your pizza."

"Whatever you say," he replied.

"Anyway! We need to decide on your pajamas for tonight," Audrey continued.

I groaned. Audrey insisted that we wear "special" pajamas for every freaking sleepover. It was ridiculous, but nothing I could say would change her mind. "Fine. But later."

"Now!"

"Choose your own pajamas first!"

"I already did!"

"Can I at least finish my damn pizza?"

"I suppose," Audrey said, though by the way that she crossed her arms I could tell that she was not happy with this. Well, too freaking bad. I'm hungry.

* * *

><p>After about ten minutes, I finished eating and said bye to Caleb. Audrey, Mattie, and I walked back to the dojo, where I got my car and drove us back to my apartment. Once there, Audrey hurried me into my bedroom, locking Matt out. For good reason, I suppose.<p>

The next fifteen minutes were spent with Audrey flinging everything out of my drawers, looking for something that was suitable in her eyes. Every time I tried to get her to let me wear a t-shirt or something she smacked it out of my hands, deeming it not good enough.

Eventually, we settled on a pair of blue shorts with a white, long-sleeved shirt. And by we settled on it, I mean that Audrey settled on it and wouldn't let me protest. But at least it was better than what she was wearing. Black panties and a purple spaghetti-strap top. She's freaking _insane_.

"So when should we head over?" Audrey asked.

I glanced over at my clock. It was about three now. "Let's wait until after eight. Piss Sasha off some more by arriving late and not calling."

"Good idea!" Audrey said. "I'll just run back to my house and get the alcohol, then come back here and wait with you!"

"No drinking alcohol in my apartment!" I yelled after her as she ran off, though I'm not sure that she heard me. I sighed, picking up Audrey's pajamas, which she had dropped on my bed as she ran off. I walked out of my room and over to a very confused-looking Mattie. "Here," I said, dumping the clothes on top of Kumajirou's head. "Pack these, and find some pajamas to wear. "We're going to a sleepover tonight."

This is going to be an interesting night.


	6. Side Story 2: You're A Good Person

Caleb and Joshua were friends. Caleb and I were friends. Following this logic, one could assume that Joshua and I were friends.

Not exactly.

"Hey, Newman! What's it like being so tiny?"

"I dunno, Stevens. Why don't you bend down and see for yourself? Maybe a fist will magically come flying at your face."

"You need me to bend down just to even reach me!"

"At least I don't hit my head on everything, you freakish giant!"

"Hey, hey, enough!" Caleb said, pushing his way between us. "Can't you two get along, just for once?"

I looked past Caleb, glaring at Joshua Stevens. He was easily as tall as Caleb, and he had messy black hair and brown eyes that were glaring right back at me.

It was now seventh grade. Caleb and I had been friends for about a year. I had to admit, it was nice, being able to have someone to go to when Sasha and Audrey began tiring me out. I mean, it's not like I don't like being around those two, but sometimes I just need a break from the craziness before I went insane myself.

One day, Caleb had decided to introduce me to Joshua. I guess he thought that maybe Josh and I could become friends, but it seemed like Joshua had instantly disliked me, and I can't say that I felt any different. There was something about us that caused us to argue. Even now, I'm not entirely sure what caused it.

But ever since we had met, Joshua went out of his way to piss me off, and while I didn't actively search him out, I couldn't just back down from him. My pride, or my temper, wouldn't allow it. Maybe this was what prolonged our conflict.

But back to what's happening. Caleb preventing me from punching the guy who pissed me off day after day after freaking day. "Move, Caleb!"

Caleb shook his head. "Take your anger out on the punching bag after school, tiny."

This was around the time I started going to my dojo early to hit the punching bag. Joshua was driving me so insane, making me so angry, that it was all I could do not to lose my temper and hit someone or something at school.

"Yeah, tiny," Joshua said, smirking. "Back out."

Now _that_ was too far. I don't mind when Caleb calls me tiny, mainly because I'm used to it, and I wouldn't be able to make him stop, anyway. Joshua was a whole other story. "What. Did. You. Call. Me?"

Joshua leaned as close to me as he could with Caleb in the way. "What, tiny? Does that make you angry?"

I will kill you. I will kill you, I will kill you, I will kill you -

At that moment, the bell signaling homeroom rang. Caleb grabbed my arm and began dragging me away from Joshua. "Sorry, Josh! I'll see you later!" he called over his shoulder, effortlessly pulling me along even as I struggled to get out of his grip.

Joshua just shrugged. "Leave the midget behind next time."

Caleb dragged me around a corner before I got a chance to yell.

As soon as we had lost sight of Joshua, Caleb let go of me. I immediately took a step away, in an extremely bad mood. "What. The _hell_. Was that for?"

"To keep you from jumping him," Caleb replied, starting to walk to homeroom. We didn't have the same homeroom, but they were close by each other. "Madge, can you please try to get along with Josh, just for once?"

"I will when he stops being an ass."

Caleb sighed. "That's exactly what I'm talking about. He's not the only one being rude here."

"Excuse me? I'm _defending_ myself!"

"Well, defend yourself in a nicer way, because I'm sick of having to stand between you all the time." Without even a backwards glance, he walked into his homeroom, leaving me angry and maybe a little confused.

* * *

><p>After my conversation with Caleb, I did try to get along with Joshua. I really did. But no matter what I did, he found a reason to start an argument with me. Pissing me off seemed to be one of his favorite pastimes. And the sad part was, it generally worked.<p>

I'd like to say that it didn't put a strain on my friendship with Caleb, but it did. I started avoiding him when Joshua was around, and I don't think he liked that.

"I give up!" he told me one day. "I'm sick of trying to keep you two from fighting! If you two can't at least tolerate each other, we're going to have problems."

But I didn't know what to do. Whenever I tried to get along with Joshua, he would just continue pissing me off. I couldn't say one damn thing right, no matter how hard I tried.

Until one day, for some unknown reason, Joshua and I were forced to work together on a history project.

"You have got to be _kidding _me!" I had heard Joshua complaining to Caleb after school. "I can't believe that I'm stuck working with that midget!"

"Joshua," Caleb said in a way that meant that he was just barely restraining his anger, "what's your problem with Madge? She's really nice, once you get to know her."

Joshua shrugged. "Do I really need a reason? She's rude and unlikeable. Honestly, I have a hard time understanding how _anyone_ can put up with her."

Well. I certainly wasn't expecting _that_.

I turned and walked quickly away, not really having a destination in mind. I didn't really get far, though. I reached the benches outside of the school and sat down on one, pulling my knees up to my chest and resting my head on them.

Rude and unlikeable. I had never actually thought of myself that way, but I could see why people would think that. I wasn't the kind of person who would just randomly start a conversation, and I was more likely to be sarcastic than be kind. Now that I thought of it, it really did seem like a miracle that people could actually like me.

At that moment, I noticed someone sitting down on the bench beside me, and I was about to yell at them until they said, "You okay, tiny?"

Caleb. "What are you doing here?" I asked.

"I saw you while I was talking to Josh." Oh. I guess I hadn't been unnoticed. "Are you okay?"

I paused. I wanted to say I was fine and leave it at that, but… "You don't think I'm unlikeable, do you?"

A part of me expected him to laugh, to make a joke of it, and I don't know, maybe that would have helped me just the same by making me angry and making me forget what I was maybe a little upset about, but instead he said, "No, I don't. And if I did, I wouldn't be sitting next to you, would I?"

I glanced over at him. He was looking at me, smiling. "I suppose."

"You may be rude at times, and you can be sarcastic, but I know you're a good person," he continued. "So don't worry about it." He stood up and offered me his hand, like he had done so long ago that day in karate. "Want me to walk you home?"

This time, I took his hand without hesitation and let him pull me to my feet. "Sure. Why not?"


	7. King of Failure Empire

Just a note, I've put a poll up on my profile. So go vote, if you feel like it.

Onward to the next chapter!

* * *

><p>"Audrey! Put the damn alcohol away!"<p>

"But why? What are you worried about?"

"I'm worried about dragging your drunk ass to Sasha's house! Put it away, now!"

"Ugh, _fine_," Audrey grumbled, putting the beer she had just been about to drink back in her bag. "You're no fun, Madge."

I sighed, glancing at the digital clock on the table. It was only six now. We still had about two hours before going over to Sasha's. In the meantime, Audrey was doing her best to drive me completely insane. I needed to find something to do before I shut her up. Forcefully.

As I looked around the room, desperate for _anything _that could calm me down, I noticed a bucket that I'd left in the corner. I'm not exactly sure why I had it, but I grinned when I saw it. "Hey, Audrey. You want to do something fun?"

"What is it?" Audrey asked, her momentary annoyance forgotten.

"You'll see," I replied walking over to the bucket and picking it up. "Mattie, you stay here. If anyone comes and asks about the alcohol, it's yours." Wait. Was he even old enough? I grabbed his manual, which I had thrown on top of the TV, and flicked through it. Twenty. Damn it. "Well, you look like you're old enough, at least. But there shouldn't be too much of a problem, anyway. We'll only be gone for a few minutes. C'mon, Audrey." I led the way out of my apartment, not even checking to see if Audrey was following.

I brought Audrey to a river that was behind my apartment building. I usually didn't pay too much attention to the river, but today it would be a perfect for little counter-revenge. I carefully dipped the bucket into the water until it was filled about three-fourths of the way. After all, there really was no reason to fill it up all the way and spill it all over the place.

"What's that for?" Audrey asked.

"It's for Sasha attempting to get revenge on me," I explained.

Audrey nodded. "I like this idea! She took my manga. So I need revenge for that, too."

Right. Of course this revenge is for both of us and not just me. Even though it was _my _idea and I really didn't care about Sasha taking Audrey's manga. Sasha's making me put up with any insane units I may receive.

"Come on, Audrey. Let's head back to my apartment."

* * *

><p>The rest of the time spent waiting passed uneventfully. I remembered to order some Chinese food a few minutes before we left. Soon after, Audrey, Mattie, and I walked out to my car, each of us holding bags on some kind. Sure, Sasha's house wasn't too far away, but I was <em>not <em>walking with Chinese food, movies, sleepover supplies, illegal alcohol, and a bucket full of river water.

Speaking of which.

"Audrey, make sure this doesn't spill," I said, handing her the bucket after she got in the car.

"Why don't you watch it? It's your bucket," Audrey protested.

"Because I am driving. Do you _want _me to cause an accident?" I asked. "Just keep the bucket between your feet or something. Oh, and if it spills on the way to Sasha's house, I'm dumping the alcohol." I figured that would make her pay attention.

I stopped to pick up the Chinese food on the way to Sasha's, which I put in the back along with Mattie, Kumajirou, and our bags. I suppose Mattie must have been a little squished, but if he had any complaints, he either didn't say them or I didn't hear them.

Finally we arrived at Sasha's house. After gathering up all of the bags and the bucket, we walked up to her doorstep. I pressed the doorbell, careful not to spill anything from the bucket, and positioned the bucket for easier use.

After a few seconds, the door was flung over, and as soon as I could see Sasha, I dumped the water on her. "H-YYEEEE!" she shouted.

"That was for your 'revenge,' Sash," I said, grinning. I could hear Audrey giggling behind me. Behind Sasha, I could see Ivan, Alfred, and Arthur. Wait, when did she get Arthur? Of course, I didn't dwell on that, since I noticed that I'd managed to get the commie bastard with some of the water. Not part of the plan, but who cares? That just made things a whole lot better.

"Wh-wh-what? Guys! What a-a-are you doing here?" Sasha asked, shivering. Good.

"Sleepover night," Audrey said happily.

"I brought the Chinese, movies, the nation that's always forgotten, and the drinker of our group," I said, pointing at Audrey.

"And I brought the illegal alcohol," Audrey added. "Beer, rum, vodka, and jello to make jello shot!" yeah, just announce the illegal alcohol to the whole world, why don't you? Nothing could go wrong with that!

"I-I have the clothes and other materials," Mattie said. Great. Now she's gonna think that Mattie's the only responsible one.

"Rum?" Arthur asked, looking at Sasha and Ivan. "You guys stink like fish, by the way." Yeah, river water will do that to you.

"ENGLAND!" Audrey suddenly shouted, tackling Arthur to the ground. I sighed. Yes, yes, he's sane, but that's no reason to go knocking over the King of Failure Empire.

Sasha looked at me, clearly trying to ignore the idiot of the group. "Alright, fine. Get set up. But now I'm going to have to take a shower or a bath." Serves you right.

I nodded and, just to annoy her even more, skipped in. I only skip when I want to piss someone off. "No prob, Sasha!"

"I am going to have to take one too, comrade," Ivan said. "Why do we not bathe together?" Great, now along with being a commie and a bastard, he's a pervert. Can't say I'm surprised, though, considering that this is Hetalia…

"N-no thanks," Sasha said, looking terrified. "I can be quick. It'll just take five minutes!" By now, Arthur had managed to get away from Audrey and was brushing himself off. Probably a good idea. I wouldn't be surprised if Audrey could somehow manage to spread stupid.

"But I insist," the commie bastard replied, giggling. He grabbed Sasha by the shirt and began dragging her toward the bathroom.

"GUUUUYYYYSSS, HELP MEEE!" Sasha yelled, trying to hold onto things to stop Ivan from dragging her.

"Shouldn't we help her…?" the King of Failure Empire asked, sounding worried. No, your majesty, we shouldn't. This is fun.

"No way, dude! This is hilarious!" Alfred shouted.

"Nope!" Audrey said at the same time. They high-fived, laughing, and at the moment I was questioning my sanity if I was agreeing with Audrey and the hero wannabe, over Arthur. That didn't last long.

"Madge…?" Sasha whispered, holding onto the frame of the bathroom doorway. "My friend, my last hope, the person with a black belt in karate?"

Okay, now I'm not as insane as I thought I was becoming. I grinned slowly. "You set me up with a Hetalia unit order. You and Audrey have tortured me multiple times. You prefer Spamano to GerIta. Uh-bye-bye, Sasha!" I waved as the door was slammed in her face. Door slamming seems to be happening a lot lately, doesn't it?

We heard a pounding on the door. "NNNOOOOOOOOOO," Sasha screamed. "YOU GUYS, I'LL GET YOU BACK, YOU HEAR?"

Haha, no. Madge never loses.

After about a minute, Ivan came out of the bathroom. I guess the commie bastard was just trying to scare her or something. But that made me think of something else. "I'm gonna go get Sasha some pajamas," I said, putting my stuff down and heading toward Sasha's bedroom.

I'm not completely cold-hearted, okay?

But before I could go more than a few steps, someone had grabbed my arm and started tugging me away. Which was annoying. No one drags me around like that!. Well, except for maybe Caleb that one time, but otherwise no one!

"Hey! What the hell do you think you're doing?" I yelled, looking up at the bastard who thought it was a good idea to drag me.

Of course. The hero wannabe.

"Let's play a joke on her!" Audrey said. Oh, so this is the idiot's idea. She must have recruited Alfred while I was busy laughing at Sasha's misfortune.

"No, Audrey!" I snapped. "That's too far! Now let go of me!" I pulled against Alfred's grip, but he did have super strength, after all. Not fair.

I couldn't really expect any help here. Arthur would be useless, Ivan wouldn't care, and no one would pay any attention to Mattie. I just sighed and let them drag me away.

Once Alfred let go of me, I decided to do something useful and bean setting up DDR. Audrey began pouring the shots, handing them out to everyone. I made sure to take the one with the smallest amount and quickly drank it so Audrey would get off my case for the night. Then I turned back to DDR, tossing the glass behind me as I did so.

"Kolkolkol…"

"Awesome, dude! You hit the commie right in his huge nose!"

I smirked. That wasn't intentional, but I was fine with that.

I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket, and I grabbed it and opened the text that was sent to me. "Dammit, Josh!"

"What is it?" Audrey asked.

"That idiot's working at Flying Mint Bunny. You know, the company that delivers the insane units. Well, now he's got it set up so that he delivers my units."

"Isn't that good?"

"NO!" I said. "I swear, as soon as he brings me the next unit, I'm punching him in the face."

Arthur frowned at me. "You shouldn't be so unladylike, Madge."

"To hell with ladylike," I muttered. "Drink your alcohol."

After a couple of minutes, I thought I heard someone calling my name, but I ignored it. But then it came again, this time even louder: "MADGE, AUDREY?"

Oh. Looks like Sasha's done with her bath.

"SHUT UP," Audrey and I yelled. Okay, maybe I was against the plan in the beginning, but I need to have _some _fun, don't I?

Audrey stood up, giggling. "Let's go ambush her when she tries to get her clothes!"

The hero wannabe stood up eagerly. The commie bastard and the failed James Bond did as well, though not quite as eagerly. I, for one, had no interest in this, and from the look on his face I could tell that the King of Failure Empire was against it as well, but what could we do?

The six of us snuck over to the stairs, where Sasha was sneaking around, wearing only a towel and carrying her clothes. At least, she was until Alfred ran over, grabbed them from her, and tossed them away.

Sasha screamed, and for good reason, considering the fact that there were four guys staring at her in a towel. Alfred was laughing, while Ivan, Arthur, and Mattie only seemed a little shocked. At least Francis isn't here, though. He probably would've taken the towel along with the clothes.

Audrey was snickering, and I felt like the only person here who felt a little ashamed. Hey, I like my pranks and revenge, but this is a little too far. "I-it was Audrey's idea…" I said sheepishly. This is _not _fun anymore.

"Madge wanted to bring you clothes, but then I came up with _this _Prussia-worthy idea," Audrey said. Don't sound so proud of yourself if you're comparing yourself to that idiot. "The Bad Touch Trio would be proud." Okay, that's even worse.

"You…" Sasha began before shaking her head. "I give up."

I swear, she's _still_ going to find some way to blame me for this. I had no part in it!

"Aw, it's no fun if you're not angry!" Audrey whined, crossing her arms and pouting. Take that, Audrey. It takes a master to get Sasha angry over and over again. And by master, I mean me.

"Bathroom's yours, Ivan," Sasha said, ignoring what Audrey said. "Madge, Audrey, you coming to change into your PJs?"

"Yay, pajamas," Audrey said happily before running up the stairs. Honestly, she's like a child. I followed her up.

"Dude, like your outfit," I heard the hero wannabe say. Bad choice of words. If I were in Sasha's position, I'd throw something at him or punch him or –

THUD.

Oh. That sounded like a shoe being thrown. Maybe I owe Sasha more credit than I give her.

"AUGH!" I heard Alfred yell. "THE HERO DOESN'T TAKE BACK HIS COMMENT – NO! IGGY, COMMIE, GET AWAAAAY!"

This is going to be a long night.


	8. Lord Dumbass

"No! They're gigantic! And pee-yellow!" Audrey yelled, whacking a pair of shorts out of Sasha's hands.

I rolled my eyes. As if dealing with this once wasn't enough. Now I had to deal with it all over again as Sasha attempted to find a pair of pajamas to please Audrey.

We'll be here all night at this rate.

"But they're comfy," Sasha complained. "And I'm not wearing _anything _like you are. Not a chance." Good, because I don't think I'd be able to stand a whole night with two idiots skimpily dressed and a bunch of dudes drooling over them.

"It took her forever to approve my pajamas," I said. Of course, it probably took forever since I have next to nothing that Audrey would deem sleepover-worthy. "Just go with it. Or we'll be up here for hours," I added as I sat down and put on a pair of socks that I had stolen from Sasha.

Sasha just sighed. "Fine. No gym pants. What about these?" She held up a pair of fluffy white shorts covered with hearts and a ribbon that a certain Yao Wang would probably go crazy over and that I wouldn't be caught dead in.

"Acceptable!" Audrey said, giving a thumbs up. Finally. She then began going through Sasha's drawers, pretty much throwing things all over the room until she took out a pink tank top. "Change, I order you!"

Sometimes I wonder if she got dropped on her head as a baby.

Sasha raised an eyebrow before getting changed. Then she pointed forward, saying, "Okay, forward MARCH!"

I'm surrounded by idiots.

We walked downstairs and were greeted with a rather interesting sight. The commie bastard was holding the hero wannabe by the collar of his shirt while the King of Failure Empire stood nearby with his arms crossed. Alfred's glasses were askew on his face.

"Go on, git, say it," Arthur said.

"I don't-" Alfred began before Ivan interrupted by shaking him slightly.

"Do you need to be convinced more, comrade Amerika?"

"N-no!" Alfred said hastily. He looked at Sasha. "I apologize, Sasha. It was wrong and ungentlemanly of me. I should not have said what I did." Well. Isn't that the fakest apology I've ever heard.

Arthur looked satisfied, but Ivan said, "And Amerika?" While smiling. Of course. Stupid bastard.

"I am not going to say that, Ivan! She's my citizen, not – OW! Fine, fine!" At this point, Sasha was laughing. "And I should not have done that to Ivan's comrade," Alfred finished.

For once, I agree with the hero wannabe. I wouldn't have said that last part.

"Soooooo, DDR," Sasha said, clearly trying to change the topic while Ivan put Alfred down, Audrey laughing the whole time.

"A-Audrey!" Arthur suddenly said. "Wh-what in the world are you wearing? That's not appropriate for a young lady at all!"

Clearly this idiot doesn't know Audrey well at all.

"Pajamas," Audrey replied, shrugging.

"B-but. You're wearing knickers and a revealing top! That's not lady-like at all!" Oh shut up already. It's a lost cause.

"No, no, Iggy, dude!" the hero wannabe said, throwing his arms over Arthur's and Audrey's shoulders. "Those aren't knickers. Those are panties. PAN-TIES." Wow. You're so helpful. Dumbass.

Arthur looked horrified, and I'm sure Alfred's "explanation" didn't help at all. "Jones, your citizens…I just…Sasha, Madge, you two need to move to England. Now, for your own sake. I beg you. I cannot have you grow up here anymore."

"Just for your information, dude," Audrey said, poking Arthur in the chest, "your beloved citizens can be just as bad. Just because you guys have 'bums' and smoke a 'fag' doesn't mean you're better."

"Yeah, dude!" Alfred said, nodding his head. "America, like, threw your tea into the harbor! We won, dude!"

Genius. Why don't you remind him of just how much of a failure he is. Arthur stared at Sasha in dismay. Right, stare at the insane one. I'd be more useful. Just saying.

And then Sasha cleared her throat. And began singing. "_AMERICA. FUCK YEAH. COMING TO SAVE THE MOTHER FUCKING DAY, YEAH. AMERICA, FUCK YEAH, FREEDOM IS THE ONLY WAY!"_

Well, if I hadn't been questioning her sanity before, I definitely am now. "What…the hell…was _that_?"

Meanwhile, Audrey and Alfred were nearly falling over, they were laughing so hard. "That…That song…Is beautiful," Alfred managed to say. Audrey could only nod, she was laughing so hard.

"I do not like it, da?" Ivan said, smiling and crossing his arms. So why are you smiling?

"Um, I don't…" Mattie began to say before the hero wannabe decided to interrupt.

"SO! This sleepover! What's planned?" Alfred asked. Sure, just go ahead and interrupt your brother. Not like he was saying anything, anyway.

And the next thing I knew, he had just stripped down to a white tank and a pair of boxers. Superman boxers. Of course.

"AHHH, NOOOO!" Sasha suddenly screamed, diving under a table. "THE MEMORIES! THEY BURRRRRN!"

We all stared at her. Psycho.

"Death hugs…and sudden stripping…" she muttered, shivering and hugging herself.

She's insane. Absolutely insane.

"Ooooookaaaaayyyy…" I said, leaving the crazy one to be her crazy self and turning to face the guys.

"Dramatic much?" Audrey said. She looked at Alfred, of course. "First of all, the rest of you guys need YO' PJ'S!" She went into gangster mode, with one of her hands cupped around her mouth and the other in the air. All in all, it was one of the stupidest things I had ever seen, and that's saying something, considering what I put up with on a daily basis.

"…Don't do that," Sasha and I said.

"We're embarrassed for you," Sasha continued, finally coming out from under the table.

Audrey just sighed. "Whatever, whatever. Pajamas, guys. They're necessary."

The Hetalians glanced at each other before heading upstairs. Then there was a knock on the door.

"Who's here this late?" Sasha asked as she went to answer the door. I decided to follow here just enough so I could see and hear what was going on.

Sasha opened the door. "Asher?"

"Hey, chickie. Special delivery," the person at the door said.

Sasha looked dismayed and slightly terrified. "But…BUT I JUST GOT ENGLAND," she said, trying to close the door. Which apparently didn't want to close because there was a foot in the way.

"Sorry, Sasha," Asher replied. "They sent this one early, and it's policy to deliver them as soon as we get 'em in. We can't have the box knocked over or have them accidently opened." Asher slowly pushed the door open. While they were talking, I noticed the units coming downstairs.

"But I don't want one so soon…" Sasha whined.

"Are you alright, defender of men? Is someone making my comrade whimper? Kolkolkol…" Ivan said. Terrifying. He probably assumed it was me. Bastard.

"DUDE! What's wrong? Do you need the hero to save you?" Alfred asked. You're useless.

"Um, will pancakes cheer you up…?" Mattie asked quietly. Also useless, but not quite as stupid.

Sasha turned toward the Hetalians, looking at their pajamas. For no reason other than the excuse to check them out, I bet. I swear, I've never understood why people drool over fictional characters. Except technically they're not fictional. It's weird. Fictional. Not fictional. 2-D. 3-D. Characters who cause you to sigh in annoyance. Characters who you can punch in the face when they're annoying.

"Oh, sweet mama, these poor people need to go shopping!" Audrey said from behind me. Clearly she was checking out the dudes as well. Insane.

"Asher's trying to give me another unit," Sasha complained, pointing at the culprit. "That's two in one day! THIS IS MADNESS!"

"THIS. IS. SPARTAAAAAA!" Audrey yelled out of nowhere. Everything became completely silent. "Heh…heheh…I had to."

No, you most certainly did _not _have to.

Arthur suddenly gasped, pointing at Asher's hat. "Is that…Flying Mint Bunny ears on your hat?"

"Uhh, yeah. You, er…want it?" Asher asked, sounding a little confused. I would be, too, if a random Englishman had asked about my hat. Absolutely invincible British gentleman indeed.

"BLOODY HELL YES!" Arthur yelled. He stole the hat, put it on, and ran off.

Great. We've lost yet another to the insanity. Now it's just me and Mattie.

"Is that okay?" Sasha asked Asher.

"Yeah, sure. I've got a spare. Now, missy, sign." He handed Sasha an electric signer, who quickly scribbled something and handed it back.

"Al, could you…?" she asked, gesturing to something outside. Alfred nodded and disappeared for a moment before returning with a box and bringing it into the living room. She was then handed a smaller box and a manual by Asher. "Bye, Asher…"

Sasha opened the manual and proceeded to have a mini panic attack. "Oh no. No nononono NONO NON, NYET, NEIN, NONONONONO."

"WHO IS IT?" Audrey asked, leaping at Sasha. Sasha stepped to the side, and Audrey ended up face first on the ground.

"Can I see?" I asked, holding out my hand. Sasha handed me the manual, and I glanced at the cover. I grinned. "I simply thank the fact he is not mine," I said, referring to the letters that spelled out the name of one certain Lord Dumbass.

"Shuddup," Sasha said, taking the manual away. "You could get another one of them." My eyes widened, and I think I might have paled a bit.

"Who is here now, comrade?" Ivan asked. Sasha moved the manual so that he could see the cover.

"Prussia," she muttered.

"PRUSSIA?" Audrey repeated, sitting up quickly. No shit, Sherlock. "BEILSCHMIDT IS AWESOME." I expected the cover to the box to come flying off, but nothing happened. Weird, considering the god complex he's got.

"Oh, you mean Kaliningrad?" Ivan asked, looking positively delighted. Creeper.

"NO, IVAN, YOU'LL-" Sasha tried to yell, but she was too late. The box on the floor started to shake, and wood started flying everywhere.

"IVAN, YOU DUMMKOPF!" someone yelled. "DO NOT CALL THE AWESOME ME THAAAAAT!" The cover went flying as Gilbert jumped out of the box. Really, these things need to be made safer.

Gilbert looked around until he found Ivan. Then he started stomping toward him. "Braginski! You-!"

Before he could complete that, Audrey came flying out of nowhere and tackled him to the ground. "PRUSSIA! GILBERT, YOUR AWESOMENESS!"

"Kesesese!" Prussia laughed, his bad mood gone. He's just as bipolar as Sasha. He looked at Audrey. "Does that mean you want to see the awesome me's five meters?"

Any sane person would say no, but Audrey isn't exactly sane. "HELL YEAH," she yelled, hugging him tighter. I now present to you Lord and Lady Dumbass.

"NO SHE DOES NOT," Sasha yelled, dragging Audrey off of Gilbert. "She doesn't want to. At all. America, take Audrey away to calm down right now, or you soon won't be her favorite."

"COME ON, CITIZEN!" Alfred yelled, picking up Audrey and running up the stairs. I half expected him to drop her or something, but nothing interesting happened.

"NOOOooooo," Audrey whined. "But Gilberrrrrrttt…" Then she was gone.

It was quiet for a minute. Ivan, Sasha, Gilbert and I were the only ones left. I guess Mattie must have disappeared somewhere when things were getting insane. Smart boy.

"So…" Gilbert said, looking at Sasha. He smirked and started checking her out. "You were obviously just jealous. Wanna see my five meters, cutie?"

Sasha's face turned redder than I had ever seen it go. "I…I…O-o-of course not," she stammered. "N-n-no way!" You're not very convincing, you know.

"Sure you do," Gilbert replied, smirking even more. What a creeper.

"Kaliningrad…" Ivan said, somehow sounding happy and pissed at the same time. "Leave my podruga alone, da? Kolkolkol…" Is it really necessary for him to do that thing whenever he speaks? It's annoying.

"Just because an un-awesome person like you can't get into her pants doesn't mean I should leave her alone," Gilbert retorted. Wait, what? "She obviously wants me."

"I-I-I d-d-don't…" Sasha muttered, but neither of the guys listened to her.

Ivan chose that time to pick her up, toss her over his shoulder, and carry her away. I could hear him making that weird sound he does the whole time.

Now that just left me and Lord Dumbass, who decided to start checking me out. I was about two seconds from punching him in the face when he said, "So, I guess that just leaves you and the awesome me…" He smirked.

That smirk disappeared after a well-placed kick from me. He doubled over, nearly falling onto the ground. "ARGH!" he yelled, sounding squeakier than normal. "My awesome five meters! You can't kick a guy there!"

Lesson one: What Madge wants to do, Madge does.

Lesson two: Never try to hit on Madge if she is clearly not interested.

And that concludes our class of Madge 101. Thank you for your time, and try not to be such a dumbass again.


	9. Side Story 3: Can We Start Over?

I'm not sure how we did it, but Joshua and I somehow managed to get through our project without trying to tear each other's throats out. We didn't really talk about anything that didn't have to do with the project, and I think Caleb must have said something to him.

We tread carefully around each other. It felt like if either of us stepped out of place, it would shatter the small amount of peace that we had. There were even times when I thought that maybe I was beginning to like him a little more, but they never lasted long. I always told myself that I was being polite for Caleb's sake.

The rest of seventh grade was uneventful. Joshua and I made it through the year without strangling each other. I figured that once summer came and we didn't have to see each other every day things may get better.

Of course, what I didn't realize was that apparently he went to the same karate dojo as me and Caleb. Maybe I'd never actually noticed him, maybe we'd never had a class on the same day, but it was definitely him, and he most definitely wasn't a beginner.

I most definitely did _not_ like this. I had been hoping that I could have some time away from him, give us both time to relax, but it seemed like that wasn't going to happen. I didn't want to go back to arguing constantly with him, though.

So I avoided him. I stayed as far away as possible during the classes. I suppose it was cowardly of me, but I really didn't know what else to do. I didn't want to ruin this ceasefire. To be honest, I'm not entirely sure what it was that I did want. To be friends? No, I don't think so. Not then. Too much had happened over the past year for me to even consider that.

An acquaintance, maybe? Someone who I might greet when I walked by them, asked them how their day was, and move on? Somehow, that didn't seem quite right to me, either. I wasn't sure how Joshua would react if I started speaking to him after having ignored him for so long.

Eventually, I decided that he would just be that classmate who I never really talked to. And yeah, maybe that was what I'd been doing for this long, but I simply couldn't think of anything else to do, and to be honest, I was scared to try something else. This wasn't something that would go away if I hit it hard enough. I couldn't hide it behind my sarcasm. So I did what I always do when confronted with this type of problem.

I ran from it.

* * *

><p>Nothing amazing happened that summer. I kept expecting for something to happen. Something good, something bad, I don't know what. Just something. But nothing ever did, and nothing changed.<p>

But once eighth grade started, I had more important things to think about. The day before school started, my parents had promised me that if I did well, they'd buy me an apartment of my own for high school. Now that was exciting. Bridget had been going to boarding school for a while now, and she had a bit of independence from our parents already, so I suppose that they decided to give me a chance, too.

However, things didn't seem to be going my way.

I know when people have trouble in school, it's often because of math. Numbers and formulas and such seem to confuse them. Not me, though.

History was what confused me.

I know that may seem strange, considering the fact that I like Hetalia, but history just seemed to confuse me so much. I couldn't remember the dates, I couldn't remember the people, I couldn't remember anything. But I tried. I really did, but I just couldn't improve.

One day after school, when I was sitting in my kitchen and trying to study for a history test, Caleb came to my house with Joshua following. "Whatever it is you want, make it quick," I said, not even bothering to look up from my notes. "I need to study."

"Actually, I want to talk to you about that," Caleb said.

I glanced up at him. "Unless you've got some type of magical device that can make me magically learn everything there is to know about the French Revolution, then I'm not interested."

"Well, it's not exactly magical, but it should help," Caleb replied. He nudged Joshua forward. "Josh said that he'd help you study."

Not if I had anything to say about. "Caleb, can we talk in private for a second?" I asked, standing up and nearly knocking over my chair in my haste.

Caleb shrugged. "Sure. Wait here for a bit, Josh. I'll be right back."

I stomped out of the kitchen and led Caleb to my room. I closed the door before turning to face him. "Are you a freaking _moron_? You know I can't work with Joshua!"

Caleb stared back at me, his arms crossed. "All of that's in the past. When was the last time you spoke to him? I mean, really talked to him, not that small talk you make when I'm around that neither of you mean."

"During our history project. I think."

"Exactly," Caleb said. "It's been over half a year. I think that it's been long enough, don't you?"

No, I most certainly didn't think so. "What makes you think this is a good idea?"

"Josh is one of the smartest people in the grade when it comes to history," Caleb explained. "I'm sure you've noticed that."

It was true. I remembered that from when we were working on our project. Of course, that didn't mean that I'd just agree. "Give me one good reason why I should agree to this."

"Because if you don't agree, you might get a bad grade. And if you get a bad grade, your parents won't buy you an apartment," Caleb said, smirking slightly. I could tell that he knew that he had just won our argument.

"…Fine," I finally said.

"Great!" Caleb said, grinning at me. "I'll go tell him now!" I watched as he ran out of my room.

What have I just gotten myself into?

* * *

><p>"The Reign of Terror lasted from September 5th, 1793 to July 28th, 1794. Do you remember whose execution caused the Reign of Terror to end?"<p>

"Robespierre," I muttered, doodling on a piece of scrap paper.

"And how was he executed?"

"Um…The guillo-thingy."

"The guillotine," Joshua explained, "which was also the symbol of the revolutionary cause."

"Right. That…thing."

"Guillotine."

A few days after I had agreed to let Joshua tutor me, the two of us were in my kitchen, where he was quizzing me. I have to admit, he was very patient, considering the number of times that he had to repeat the information to me before it would sink in. But I was slowly learning and remembering the information.

"Let's go over the causes of the French Revolution again," Joshua said. "Which are?"

Damn. "Um…Were taxes involved?" I asked. Joshua nodded his head. "And, uh…France was in debt…"

"Anything else?"

I paused, trying to think, but I couldn't remember anything else. Stupid brain not working. "No."

"There was a famine," Joshua said. "Bread prices went up, and bread was the main source of food for the peasants. Also, many people were influenced by the Enlightenment ideas of philosophers such as Voltaire. There was also some influence from the American Revolution, and the ideas of the revolution spread."

"…I knew that."

Joshua laughed. "Of course you did. That's why you let me tell you, right?"

I smirked. "I was just making sure you knew."

Maybe this wouldn't be so bad, after all.

* * *

><p>I spent nearly every day after school studying with Joshua. As much as I didn't want to admit it, he really did help me, so much that by the time the day of the test arrived, I felt confident that I would at least get a B.<p>

I also learned some random facts about Joshua. It was the same as when I had worked with Caleb on that English project; it's just impossible not to learn about someone when you need to work together. When I'd last worked with Joshua, I was too angry at him to bother to learn anything, but I guess Caleb was right when he had said that enough time had passed.

I learned that Joshua's favorite color was red and that he had two cats. I learned that his parents were divorced and that he lived with his dad. And I learned that he and Caleb had been friends ever since Caleb had moved here.

And as I learned more about Joshua, I found that I didn't hate him quite as much. So when I got a B+ on my history test, I let him help me study for history whenever I needed help.

Eighth grade went by quickly, and with Joshua's help, I managed to earn a high enough grade in history that my parents promised to find a good apartment for me sometime over the summer.

So that was how I found myself in the car with my parents in the middle of July, on my way to my new apartment.

I was excited. Of course I was excited. Who isn't excited when they get to start living on their own? Okay, maybe I was a little nervous about being on my own and having to take care of myself, but I was too excited to worry much. I'd even gotten a job with my karate dojo to help pay for the expenses.

My parents led me up to my apartment and handed me the key. I couldn't help grinning as I unlocked the door to my apartment for the very first time and stepped inside. But I wasn't expecting what happened next.

"SURPRISE!"

As soon as the door had opened, there was a shout that nearly gave me a heart attack. In the center of the living room was a group of people, all grinning at me. There was Bridget in the center, with Sasha and Audrey on either side, and Caleb and Joshua stood behind them, towering over the girls. There weren't many people, and no one had put any decorations up, but that didn't matter to me.

"I brought your Wii over!" Bridget informed me, gesturing to the TV where the Wii was set up. "I say we start this housewarming off with a Super Smash Bros. tournament!"

Everyone agreed, and while Bridget and Caleb were setting up the game, Joshua pulled me aside. "Can I talk to you?"

"Oh, uh, sure," I said, confused.

For a moment, Joshua didn't say anything. "Um, well, so I know that I haven't exactly been the nicest person to you, and I think I may have said some things I regret, and…How do I put this…Can we start over?"

"Start over?" I repeated.

Joshua took a deep breath. "Like this. My name is Joshua Stevens. What's yours?"

I smiled. "I'm Madge Newman. It's nice to meet you."

"Hey, don't be so formal!" Joshua complained. "You're not a formal person!"

"Look who's talking! You weren't exactly casual, you know!"

He laughed, holding his hands up in front of him. "Okay, okay! We were both being too formal. Let's move on from that so I can kick your ass in Super Smash Bros."

"Oh, it's on now," I replied. "Try to give me a challenge, okay? I don't want to win too quickly."

"No problem!" Josh said, grinning. He ran over to the Wii. "Move it, people! I've got a game to win!"

I sighed, shaking my head. I was in for quite an experience with Joshua as my friend, but I've never regretted it for a single second.

Because what's life without a little excitement?


	10. My Life Makes No Sense Anymore

Eventually, everyone had returned downstairs. I'm not quite sure what Alfred and Ivan had done with Audrey and Sasha upstairs, and honestly, I don't think I want to know.

I'd like to say that everything had returned to normal, but I don't think "normal" is exactly possible around here anymore. Arthur was still wearing that stupid hat and had started talking animatedly to thin air, and Gilbert kept looking at me and muttering stuff under his breath. I could probably guess what the supreme Lord Dumbass was saying, but I really don't feel like it.

"So!" Audrey said. Great. Time for another moronic idea. "First of all, we have to force a shot down Sash's throat."

Sasha did the most glorious spit-take that I have ever been privileged to see. Her chocolate milk went everywhere. "Wh-what!"

"Every time Madge and I spend the night, Madge'll have a single shot, and you'll just have some peach brandy, that hard lemonade shit, or cranberry juice and vodka. Like, half a glass," Audrey replied. "So I'm always stuck here with two sober people _all _night. If I try to force Madge, she'll beat me up." Damn straight.

"AND I WON'T?" Sasha yelled, her eyes narrowing.

"You'll try," Audrey said, shrugging. "But you don't take karate."

Sasha gaped at us. This is turning out to be an interesting night. "But…But I don't…"

Ivan placed a shot of vodka in front of Sasha. "Drink some vodka, defender of men," he said with a wide smile. Damn commie bastard. "It is very good, and I drink more than this all the time." Damn drunk commie bastard.

"I really don't drink anything like this," Sasha muttered.

"Don't drink that un-awesome shit!" Gilbert yelled. "Good German Bier is better any day!" He threw an arm around Sasha's shoulders and taking a drink of his beer. Is everyone here an alcoholic? "Ignore that Vergewaltiger, Mädchen!" Thus speaks our supreme Lord Dumbass. Everyone bow down to his wisdom.

"Kolkolkol…" Ivan said, his purple fairy aura appearing. Seriously, doesn't he get tired of that? "Kaliningrad, it does no good to insult me. She is my comrade." According to you. I don't think anyone else here agrees.

"I'm so sure," Gilbert replied, snorting. He went to sit on the couch, though I noticed that he made sure to sit as far away from me as possible. Wimp.

"Just do it," I said, sighing. "It's one shot." Okay, so maybe I'm not exactly being the most responsible person, but it's the only way to get everyone to shut up.

Finally, Sasha grabbed the glass and drank it, coughing as she swallowed. "Oh, geez."

"NOW WE DANCE!" Audrey yelled, turning on the TV where DDR was waiting. She looked over at Sasha. "Who's first?"

"I'm just…gonna eat some Oreos…" Sasha said. Yeah right. She probably just wants to stare at the guys. Jesus.

Audrey turned her gaze on me. Idiot.

I crossed my arms. "HAHA, no."

"Okay, fine," Audrey said, looking around for her next victim. "Oh! Hey, Iggy! You look like you could do some dancing! _You _can verse me!"

Arthur clearly didn't like this idea. "Actually, I would rather – AH!" Sasha had gotten up, grabbed his hand, and started dragging him to the mat.

"You can do this, Arthur!" Sasha said. "You're England! Surely you can dance well!"

Arthur stared at Little Miss Insane before smiling. "Heh, alright, love." He tossed the stupid hat onto a nearby chair. "It's on!"

Sasha backed away to give Audrey and Arthur room, and they started the song.

I have to admit, Arthur turned out to be a pretty good dancer. He was easily beating Audrey, which was hilarious. I'm pretty sure Audrey wasn't expecting that.

"Player 2 wins," the game said, and Arthur grinned and bowed, first to Sasha, then to the rest of us. Always the gentleman, I suppose, even if his grin was a little goofy-looking. We clapped and cheered for him. All of us except for Audrey, of course.

"I blame you," Audrey said, pointing a finger at Sasha. "It's your fault."

"How is this _my _fault?" Sasha protested.

"_You_ encouraged him," Audrey replied. Logic fail if I ever saw one, but oh well. This is amusing. Audrey drank another shot and glared at Sasha. "He would've lost if you weren't all 'Oh, Iggy, I _believe _in you!'"

"I never said that," Sasha muttered.

"You meant it. Are you in _looooove _with him? Do you _loooooooove _his hot English accent?" She grinned evilly at Sasha, though she can't pull off that evil look as well as I do.

Arthur spat out his rum. Spit-take number two of the night. Sasha should have fun cleaning all of it up. "What the bloody hell are you talking about?" he asked as he tried to clean the rum off of his shirt.

Oh, nothing. Just Sasha's obvious infatuation with all of the units. Except for Mattie, though. Poor guy always gets left out.

"N-no!" Sasha yelled, her face bright red. Of course, Sasha. You don't love Arthur. You love _all _of the units. It's your dream come true! Making out with hot anime guys!

My life makes no sense anymore.

"Sure you do! You love him! You wanna marry him!" Audrey sang, dancing around Sasha, her earlier annoyance forgotten. Seriously, I'm surrounded by drunk units and bipolar friends.

"Q-quit acting like a child," Arthur scolded, trying and failing at regaining his dignity. He's not the King of Failure Empire for nothing, after all.

"You wanna marry him," Audrey continued, completely ignoring Arthur. "You wanna have his babies. Or maybe you wanna marry Al? Or Ivan? Or maybe even the awesome Gil? You're in l-o-v-e loooooove!"

"BE QUIET!" Sasha yelled, jumping at Audrey and tackling her to the ground. Audrey was laughing as the two rolled around on the ground. I was quite content to continue watching, but the hero wannabe had to ruin everything by grabbing Sasha by the waist and lifting her off of Audrey. Damn super strength.

"The hero says you fellow citizens shouldn't fight!" Alfred said as he set Sasha down.

"Shut up, Al," Sasha muttered, crossing her arms and glaring at Audrey. Aw, someone's embarrassed!

"That was AWESOME," Gilbert said, laughing and falling off of the couch. Moron.

"Calm down, love," Arthur said, looking at Sasha. Not helpful.

"I think it's the vodka, da?" Ivan said, looking like he might start laughing. Bastard.

"Yes, yes, it's all good and hilarious, but could we continue the damn DDR?" I asked irritably. "I wanna go against Mattie next."

I won, of course. Matt's dance pad probably didn't even register his presence.

The DDR games went on for a while. Alfred and Gilbert insisted on dancing five rounds in a row to see who was better until Arthur and Mattie finally managed to convince them to give someone else a turn. Then Mattie and Arthur went up, which was probably one of the calmest rounds of DDR that night.

While I was watching Alfred and Arthur play while taunting each other, I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. I pulled it out, glancing at the ID. Caleb. Big surprise. I flicked my phone open.

'You're not drunk, are you?'

I smirked before typing a reply. 'Of course not. I told you, I only have one shot.'

His reply came back quickly. 'That's still too much.'

I rolled my eyes. 'I'm fine. Quit worrying about me.'

His reply was even faster. Jesus, how fast did he type? 'I still don't like it.'

'You don't have to like everything I do.' I closed my phone with finality, sticking it in my pocket and ignoring the buzzing that came a few seconds later. I don't need to be preached to.

By now, Ivan had forced Sasha to have a third shot, and she looked like she was starting to feel the effects a bit. This is exactly why I only have one shot. "Now who goes?" she asked.

"I think it's Russia's turn to suck," I said, snickering. He hadn't had a turn yet, probably because he was terrible at dancing.

"If I go, then Sasha will go with me, da?" Ivan said. Dammit, don't ignore me when I insult you!

"Go kick his ass, Sash," I said. What? I can be encouraging when I want to be. I just don't usually feel like it.

Sasha finished her shot and hit her head on the desk.

"I want to see this," Gilbert said.

Ivan walked to the Player One mat. Sasha sighed and followed him. They chose their song and started.

Well, this should be amusing. I settled back, prepared to watch Ivan fail miserably. And that was when Ivan decided to start break dancing. In DDR. And was still managing to hit the buttons.

What nonsense is this?

Sasha stopped dancing, just staring at Ivan. Seriously, how the hell is this even _possible_? DDR isn't for break dancing. It's for people to make fools of themselves by attempting to hit buttons on a little mat.

Sasha started laughing. "Heh…heh…HAHAHA, IVAN, THAT IS MORE AWESOME THAN PRUSSIA THINKS HE IS." She fell backwards, landing in a chair and sitting on poor Mattie. "Oh…oh…sorry, Matthew…I can't…I can't…" Sasha was having difficulty talking, she was laughing too hard.

Oh. I think she's drunk.

This sucks.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN MORE AWESOME THAN I THINK I AM?" Gilbert yelled, glaring at Sasha.

"I-it's okay, Sasha," Matt said quietly. "Um…are you okay…?" No, she very well isn't. don't ask obvious questions.

"HAHA NO I DON'T THINK SO, PFFFT." Sasha was laughing so hard that she was crying. It was kinda scary, actually.

"Defender of men? Are you feeling okay?" Ivan asked, leaning over Sasha. Seriously, you're just going to ask the same exact thing as Mattie?

"Yo! Calm down there, dude," Alfred said, his eyebrows furrowed.

"Love, maybe you should lay down…" Arthur said. Good, someone with something useful to say.

"Quit being so unawesome, Sash," Gilbert said, rolling his eyes. I will strangle you for being so useless.

"Haha…I think I'm drunk," Sasha said, giggling and falling off of the chair. No shit, Sherlock.

We all raised our eyebrows at each other. I sent a pointed glare at Audrey and Ivan. This was their fault.

"Oi, oi, pass me that vodka," Sasha said, standing up and grabbing the bottle. She poured herself another shot and drank it in one gulp.

"Maybe you shouldn't…" I said, easing the bottle out of her hands.

Sasha slapped my face lightly. I felt my eye twitch. "Hey…heeeyyyyyy…who do you think, thhhhhink…you are?" At that point, she fell onto the ground.

Why the hell do _I _have to be the mature, sober one?

"YES, FINALLY," Audrey shouted, pulling Sasha to her feet. "Now it's time for fun. IVAN!"

"Da, Audrey?" the commie bastard asked. He stopped poking Sasha's cheek, which he had been doing for no reason other than the fact that he was a bastard.

"I challenge you to a drinking contest."

I groaned. Were they _trying _to kill themselves? And Caleb was worried about _me._

"Hey, hey guyzzzz?" Sasha slurred. We all turned to face her. "I lovez you guys." Oh shit. She's _definitely _drunk.

Sasha went over to Gilbert and hugged him. "You are awesome. And, and, aaaannnnd, Iggy?" She turned to face him. "You. You are so coooool. You should be an arg, arrrrg…"

Arthur looked as confused as I felt. His eye was twitching. "Wh-what?"

"An ARG. A pirate. Arg, arg…" Sasha covered one of her eyes with her hand before tackling Arthur. "Pirate you is hot. Hoooott. Hhhoooootttt-t-t…"

"Uh, Sasha. I think you've really had enough," Arthur said, trying to push Sasha off of him. Gee, what gave you the first clue?

"AND THE HERO!" Sasha yelled, leaving Arthur and latching herself onto Alfred's legs. "Dude, you're…duuude. We went to the moooooooon! Moooo!" She dissolved into another fit of giggles. Ivan moved to stand over her, and she looked up at him.

"Kolkol…defender of men, I think I should put you to bed."

"IVAN," Sasha screamed, jumping and latching onto his back. "You, hehehe…gosh, you're such an alcoholic. Bad Ivan. Bad." Aren't you one to talk?

Sasha tapped Ivan on the nose. "Heheh…You have. A. Big. Nose. It's huuuuuuuuge!" She suddenly fell off of Ivan's back, covering her mouth. "I think I'm gonna be sick." She ran for the bathroom, and we could all hear her throwing up.

I sighed and reached into my pocket, finally checking that text Caleb had sent me. 'That doesn't mean I don't have to worry.'

'I'm not the one you should worry about.'

His reply came quickly. Was he just staring at his phone waiting for me to respond or something? 'What?'

'Sasha.'

Caleb should find some contest for the fastest texters, he responded so quickly. 'I don't know if I should be happy that you're not drunk or worry about Sasha now…Don't let her hurt herself, okay?'

'I'm the mature one, remember? Someone has to take care of these idiots.' And considering the fact that the night was barely half over, I could tell that I had a hard job ahead of me.


	11. An Outsider Looking In

Let me just tell you now, being the sober one is _not _that fun.

From my experience, there are several types of drunks. First, there are the loopy drunks. Those are the people who, as soon as they taste any alcohol, act strange. Saying weird things, slurring, doing weird things. The stuff that makes you want to slap some sense into them. Clearly, that was Sasha.

Second, there are the drunks who simply get louder and more obnoxious when they drink. They don't get quite as loopy, and they can still form cohesive thoughts. However, they're the ones who tend to come up with the moronic ideas.

That, unfortunately, was Audrey.

As soon as Sasha returned from puking, Audrey clapped her hands together and grinned at everyone. "Alright! Time for that drinking contest! Me against Ivan!"

Call me crazy, but this idea just screamed "moronic" to me. She was already drunk; was she trying to kill herself? She's sixteen. The commie bastard's an adult (sort of) from a show where everyone can hold their alcohol except for Arthur. And besides, he seems like he's drunk all the time and just never notices it.

Maybe this could be bad.

I saw Arthur turn his head and quietly say something to the thin air next to him. He'd already done this several times tonight, and just like every other time, I tried to see those fairies or whatever they are that he always talks to.

Nothing.

I scowled, frustrated. No matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't see Arthur's super-special-magical friends. Maybe they weren't actually there, and he really was crazy. Or maybe I'm simply not able to see them for some reason. I don't know.

By now, Audrey and Ivan were both holding a shot of vodka, preparing to start the drinking contest. I decided that it might be about time for me to act like the mature, responsible one.

"Hey, guys, why don't we do something else?" I said. "We could watch a movie, or…karaoke, maybe?" I hated karaoke. I have no singing ability, so I usually just sit out and watch Sasha and Audrey sing. But even karaoke was better than this drinking contest.

But Audrey just waved her hand without the shot at me. "Later, later! Drinking contest first!"

I sighed, slouching in my seat. Well, I tried, but drunk people seem to forget the fact that I have a black belt, and I'm not about to beat up a drunk person. Even though they're really pissing me off.

Audrey grinned at Ivan. "Ready when you are."

Ivan grinned in return before quickly downing his shot. "That's one for me."

And so it went. Audrey was growing more drunk with every shot, but Ivan just continued, his creepy, childish smile lingering on his face.

However, it soon became apparent that Audrey was gonna lose. And soon. She looked like she might throw up, so I stayed as far away from her as possible.

"I won't lose!" she yelled. "Al, Sash, help me out here!"

"What?" Sasha mumbled in confusion.

Audrey shoved a glass into Sasha's hands and a second one into Alfred's. "Drink! Now!"

"Isn't that against the rules, comrade?" Ivan asked, still grinning like a child.

Audrey flipped him off. "Fuck the rules." She grabbed a third shot. "Hey, hey, Gil! Come help!"

Gilbert crossed his arms, shaking his head. "No way. I'm not drinking that shit!"

"You don't have to drink the vodka," Audrey said. "Come ooonnn!"

"No."

"Ugh, _fine_." She turned back to Sasha and Alfred. "You two will help, right?"

"Of course! The hero will beat the commie and save the day!" Alfred replied, downing the shot in one gulp.

Sasha just shrugged, too drunk to protest, and drank her shot as well.

And so it went. Even with two people helping her, Audrey couldn't seem to match Ivan. It got to the point where she was shoving two or three shots at a time at Sasha and Alfred.

Naturally, it got worse.

By now, the vodka we had in the living room had run out, so Audrey ran off into the kitchen to get some more. The next thing I knew, I heard the sound of her throwing up. All over the kitchen floor, most likely.

"Aw, _fuck_," I groaned, placing a hand over my eyes. "Dammit, Audrey! You're cleaning that up!"

"Ughhhh…" was the only reply I got. Audrey had probably sprawled out on the floor like she always did. Moron.

"Let me take care of this," Arthur said. "Come on, Flying Mint Bunny!"

"When you're done, drag her ass back out here," I replied.

Arthur raised a hand to show that he'd heard me and disappeared into the kitchen.

"I believe that means that I win," Ivan said, smiling.

"No way!" Alfred protested. "I'm still fine! I'll be the hero to win the contest!"

"This contest was between me and Audrey, and Audrey lost."

The two started arguing, and very loudly, I might add. There was clearly some pent-up anger and dislike left over from the Cold War, and I wasn't amused. They were about five seconds away from an all-out fistfight when I suddenly had an idea. "Hey! Guys! Morons! How about some karaoke?"

Everyone stared at me. Sasha looked like she was shocked that I would suggest that; she knew how much I hated karaoke. But hey, I was desperate. I'm the sober, sane one here.

"Great!" Alfred said. "I can show you how awesome my singing voice is!" He quickly grabbed Sasha's karaoke game and began setting it up.

Oh, shit. What the hell had I just gotten myself into? But it was too late now. Besides, it was probably better than a fistfight between a superpower and a former superpower.

Okay, maybe not, but it was safer.

By the time the game was set up, Arthur had returned from the kitchen, a pathetic-looking Audrey following behind. When she saw the game we had set up, though, her eyes immediately lit up. "karaoke! Yes! Who's first?"

"I am!" Alfred said proudly. He began flipping through the playlist, looking for a good song. "Oh! Here's one!"

I looked over at the TV screen and nearly fell out of my chair. Of all the songs he could have chosen, he _had _to decide on Friday?

This was _not _going to be fun.

"Okay!" Alfred said. "Here I go!"

Thirty seconds into the song and I was beginning to wish that I had let Ivan and Alfred have their fistfight.

"IT'S FRIDAY, FRIDAY, GOTTA GET DOWN ON FRIDAY!" Alfred shouted into the microphone that came with the game. And I mean literally shouted. He had no singing ability whatsoever. He was the worst kind of tone deaf. "LOOKING FORWARD TO THE WEEKEND!"

"Make it stop," I moaned, covering my ears with my hands.

Finally, though, the torture did end. Alfred was grinning when he finished, and he turned around to bow to us.

I threw a pillow in his face.

"Hey! What was that for?"

"That was for being tone deaf," I said bluntly. "Now get away from the mic before I drag you away."

Alfred pouted and complained a bit, but he did move away.

"Alright," I said. "After that performance, anything will sound good. Who's next?"

"Hey…Heyyyyyyy," Sasha said. "Iggyyyyyy…you…you shoooouuuld siiiiing…" She giggled. "You…should siiiing…American Idiot."

Arthur smiled a little. "You know, love, I think I might just do that."

"What? No! Don't sing that!" Alfred said. "My citizens aren't idiots!"

"Really, Jones?" Arthur let his gaze linger on Audrey, who had collapsed on the floor again. "I'm afraid I'll have to disagree here." He walked up to the TV and selected the song before positioning himself in front of the mic.

Now, I've listened to the Hetalia character songs, and I have to admit that I'm a personal fan of Arthur's. Alfred's, on the other hand…Let's just say that I know who has the better singing voice. But it wasn't until I had heard both of them, live and in person, that I realized just how large the difference in skill level was between them.

"Don't want to be an American idiot!" Arthur sang. "Don't want a nation under the new media."

I had to admit, Arthur could sing, and really well. Then again, I suppose a country doesn't come out with bands like The Beatles for nothing.

When Arthur was done, we all clapped and cheered for him. Except for Alfred, who was sulking. "You weren't _that _good," he grumbled.

"Give it up, Jones," Arthur replied.

"Okay! Next person!" I said hurriedly, since, considering the look Alfred was giving Arthur, it was entirely possible that another fight would break out.

And so the karaoke went on. I refused to get up and sing, but most of the others did. Sasha and Audrey both shouted drunkenly, and Mattie was so quiet that I don't think the game even picked his voice up.

"Oh…Ohhh…I'm tiiired," Sasha moaned some time later.

I took that as a sign that we were done for the night and began putting away the game.

"Come, defender of men. You can sleep with me," Ivan said, grabbing Sasha's arm and pulling her over to him.

"No way! I'm sleeping with Sasha!" Alfred protested.

"Not a chance! You two aren't awesome enough to sleep with Sasha!" Gilbert said.

"Shut up!" I yelled before they could continue arguing. "How about we all just sleep in here, together. Then everyone's happy!"

The three arguing nation looked at each other before shrugging. "Fine by me," Alfred said.

"Good. Now, _bed_," I said, pointing at the floor.

They all got into comfortable positions while I continued cleaning up. I figured someone had to do it, and clearly no one else was about to.

By the time I finished and returned to the living room, everyone had fallen asleep in a huge pile. Sasha was sleeping with her head resting on Ivan's stomach. Gilbert had his head on Sasha's stomach, and Alfred was hugging Sasha's waist. Mattie's legs were across Sasha's, Arthur had his arm over Sasha's, and Audrey was sprawled out across Gilbert. And somehow Jasper, Sasha's Newfoundland, had claimed the couch.

Somehow, looking at all of this made me feel a little sad. Seeing them all laying together in one giant pile, how comfortable they felt with each other…When I was only comfortable showing my sarcastic, tough, almost cold face to the world…It almost made me feel like an outsider looking in on one big, happy family. It was lonely, almost.

Instead of joining the pile, I walked around to Mattie's other side and curled up in a ball next to him. Not close enough to be touching, not close enough to look like I was included in the pile of togetherness.

Because I couldn't show my vulnerable side to the world, even if the world tonight included two of my best friends.

* * *

><p>I woke up to the sound of voices coming from the kitchen.<p>

I sat up groggily, looking around. Everyone was sitting or laying around me except for Arthur and Sasha. Almost as though we all had the same thought, we got up and walked toward the kitchen.

"Oh. Well, I try," Sasha was saying when we entered.

"Oi, Sash, you gonna make some breakfast?" Gilbert asked, walking up to stand beside Sasha. "I'm hungry."

"Ha! You're such a noob, Gil!" Alfred said, going to stand on Sasha's other side. "Sash can't cook crap! It's quite simple. We have to go to Micky D's!"

Moron. No.

"Kolkolkol…I do not think so," Ivan said, placing his hands on Sasha's shoulders.

"Ugh, I'm with him for once," I said. I walked in front of Sasha, crossing my arms. "No thanks to McDonald's."

"I agree with our hero!" Audrey said, running to stand beside the wannabe hero in question.

"NO, AUDREY," we all yelled.

"How about Mattie makes us pancakes?" Sasha suggested. "Is that okay, Matt?"

"Yes, I think I could – " Mattie began.

"Kesesese, AWESOME, MATTIE!"

"Spasibo, Matvey!"

"The hero still wants McDonald's…"

The argument started again, and I rolled my eyes. Alfred was such a _moron _sometimes. I mean all of the time.

While the units were arguing, there was a knock at the door. Sasha went over to open it.

"Hey there, Sash!" a familiar voice said.

"You did not. Just do. What you did. Just then," Sasha replied, sounding like she was barely containing her anger.

"Uhhh…what?"

"I know you're not here with another unit after just giving me one last night. Wait, no. After giving me _two _new units yesterday."

Another unit for Sasha? Her life _really _sucks.

"Heh, sorry. It arrived. I had to bring it in."

"No, no, don't _shrug _at me. I don't want your shrugs. I want you to stop bringing these damn units! I'm going crazy as it is! I don't need anymore!" Sasha suddenly gripped her head with her hand. Looks like someone's not used to her first hangover. Glad I'm not her.

I heard laughter. "Sashie, I've been punched, had things thrown at my head, and had units attack me. Your hungover yelling that's hurting yourself isn't doing much good at this moment. Take the damn unit."

Asher handed Sasha a signature pad, which Sasha signed reluctantly. She handed it back, and a box was wheeled inside.

Grumbling, Sasha began to open the envelope. "No, don't give me a break or anything. I can't even think anymore. One more unit's going to make me lose my-THE FUCK? THIS IS A TRICK, RIGHT?"

I walked up behind her. "What's wrong, Sash?" I looked over her shoulder and dropped the piece of toast I'd been eating. "No. Way." How the _hell _did Sasha get another Ivan unit? I already had to put up with one!

"How can this happen?" Sasha yelled. "ASHER. _ASHER, DAMMIT!"_

"What's wrong, comrade?" Ivan plucked asked, taking the manual from Sasha. He stared at it in confusion. "Another me...?"

"I can barely handle you, Ivan," Sasha wailed, flailing her hands. I can sympathize.

"Um... m-may Russia come out now?" a voice said from the box. It sounded like a scared little kid. "It... it is very dark and scary in here..."

What the hell? That does _not _sound like Ivan at all.

Sasha jumped towards the box and yanked the top off. Inside there was a little boy who looked exactly like a mini Russia. The only difference was that his eyes were wide and scared, rather than stupid like Ivan's.

"Um... cómo?" Sasha said. Yes, because the Spanish was _completely _necessary here.

The mini commie bastard stood up, looking around at everyone before finally settling his gaze on Sasha. "Um... um... privyet."

"... Privyet?" Sasha replied. She looked like she was overcome by cuteness. Jesus.

He Tiny Ivan wiped his nose and continued staring at Sasha. "Are... are you Mother Russia?"

Well. Isn't this just grand.


	12. I'll Just Act Like This Is Normal

A/N: I think I'm gonna skip the next side story right now since I can't think of any ideas right now. I wanted to have some sisterly bonding between Madge and Bridget, but I can't think of a good idea, so I'll just leave it for now.

Also, in case any of you are interested, I changed a couple things in the last chapter. They aren't huge changes, just one logic issue and one dialogue issue, but I felt the need to mention this.

* * *

><p>Just once, I wish I could have a peaceful, uneventful day. But after getting that text from Bridget, the possibility of that was shot, stabbed, and thrown in a river.<p>

Ah, Bridget. My twin who is almost nothing like me and who goes to a fancy boarding school while I'm in public school. How did that work out, again?

I mean, it's not like I _want _to go to boarding school. I just don't quite understand how Bridget ended up there. But whatever.

Bridget arrived obnoxiously early that morning. She'd already woke me up at the ungodly hour of eight in the morning with her stupid text, and she arrived half an hour later, when I was still considering getting out of bed.

I shuffled out of my room and toward the door, yawning. I almost didn't notice Mattie on the couch, staring intensely at the TV screen as he played some hockey video game that Caleb had brought over the other day. I ended up walking right in front of him while he played, causing him to lean around me and mutter something under his breath.

I ignored him and buzzed Bridget in, waiting a few minutes until she reached my door and banged on the door.

I flung the door open and was nearly punched in the face when Bridget went to knock on the now-open door again. "Jesus, Bridget!" I snapped, leaning back to avoid her.

Bridget just grinned and threw her arms around me in a hug. "Madge! I missed you!"

"It hasn't been _that _long," I said, attempting to extricate myself from her grip. "You just came back during spring vacation."

"But that was a few months ago," Bridget replied, finally letting me go and pushing past me. "I don't get to see you, Sash, and Audrey that often, after all."

"Yeah, yeah," I muttered, closing the door. "So how long are you planning on camping out here this time?"

"I dunno," Bridget said. I heard a loud thud as she dumped her bag on the ground. "Maybe a few days. I haven't really thought about – who's that?"

_Shit._

Maybe she didn't notice Mattie. Not a lot of people do. Maybe a serial killer broke into the apartment or something.

Yeah, because that would be _so _much better.

I slowly turned around. Bridget was staring at Mattie, who had finally paused his game to look at us. I sighed. How was I supposed to explain this? I mean, I'd been expecting this to come up ever since I knew Bridget was coming over, but it was too damn early for me to think of an explanation.

Bridget turned back to me, her eyes wide. "Madge…Is that Canada?"

"Yep." Screw explaining. I'll just act like this is normal.

"Canada. In your house."

"That's what it looks like."

She stared at me. Then she turned back to Matt. "…Explain."

I gave her a quick rundown on everything that had happened, from Sasha randomly receiving units to her oh so _brilliant _plan of sending some to me. Yeah. I'm still pissed about that.

But, naturally, Bridget and I didn't quite agree.

"You guys are getting Hetalia units?" she exclaimed. "That's so cool!"

I grimaced. "Not really…Some of them are complete dumbasses. Alfred and Ivan and Gilbert in particular."

"We need to go visit!" Bridget continued, completely ignoring me. Who am I, Mattie? "Let's go! Right now!"

"Not now, not today," I replied.

"Whyyyyyyyyy?" Bridget whined. Jesus, is she _trying _to give me a headache?

"One, it's only about 8:45 in the morning," I said with a quick glance at the clock. "No _sane _person would be up and about at this hour." Granted, Sasha's not quite sane, but still… "And second, I've already got plans to go to the dojo with Caleb and Josh today."

"Oh," Bridget said, visibly deflating. "…Can I come?"

"What, did you think I was gonna leave you in my apartment all by yourself?" I said, raising an eyebrow. "I'd probably come back to find the place destroyed." Okay, so I'm not exactly the best at inviting people to go somewhere, but whatever. It works just fine for me.

"Yes!" Bridget said, grinning happily. "When are we going?"

"Around one," I said. "We were planning to grab lunch before heading over to the dojo."

"But that's so long from now!" Bridget complained. I rolled my eyes. Her fault for coming over so damn early.

"Just deal with it," I snapped. "Go find something to do, and don't break anything or annoy Mattie."

"Can do!" Bridget said, saluting.

I sighed, shaking my head. This afternoon couldn't come fast enough.

* * *

><p>Somehow, I managed to make it through the morning without being sent into a murderous rage. It was noon now, and I was beginning to think about getting ready when I heard someone trying to buzz in.<p>

I sighed. Who could it be _now_? I trudged over to my door and buzzed whoever the hell it was in and waited until I heard a knock on my door.

I opened the door, saying, "This had better be good."

Then I got a good look at who had shown up.

"GODDAMMIT, JOSHUA!"

Josh grinned at me, fiddling with his stupid Flying Mint Bunny hat. "Hey, Madge. Got a present."

"That…you…Give that to Sasha, not me!" I complained. "I don't want it! I didn't order the damn things!"

"Sorry, can't do that," he replied, shrugging. "Company rules and all."

"Madge? What's going on?" Bridget asked, walking over. "Oh, hey, Josh!"

He grinned at her. "Hey, Bridge. Didn't know you were coming back," he said with a meaningful look at me.

"_I _didn't know until she texted me this morning," I growled, glaring at him.

"What're you doing here?" Bridget asked. "We were gonna leave soon to meet you and Caleb."

"New job," he said, patting the box behind him. "I deliver Hetalia units."

Bridget turned to me, her eyes sparkling. "This is so cool!"

"It is _not _cool," I snapped. "Dammit, Joshua, there's barely enough room here for me, Bridget, and Mattie! I can't be getting these units!"

He shrugged and held out the electric signer thingy. "Rules are rules."

I snatched the signer from him, pushing so hard on the pen I thought it would break. I thrust the signer back at him. "Alright, bring the damn thing in."

"That's the spirit!" Joshua said, that stupid grin still on his face. He wheeled the box in, tossing the manual at me as he went. "I think I'll just hang here till we go meet Caleb. That was my last delivery for today."

"I'm so happy for you," I muttered, scanning the manual. Where was the freaking name?

Oh there it was.

'Yao Wang: User Guide and Manual.'

I started laughing. "Ha! Take that, Sasha! I got another sane one!"

"Who is it?" Bridget asked, looking over my shoulder. "China?"

"Yep!" I began flipping through the manual, looking for the best way to wake him. Singing the Chinese anthem is out, since I don't even know it…I don't know Russian, either, and I don't really want to get jumped…

I walked over to my laptop, which was sitting on the table where I'd left it, and pulled up Youtube. "Bridget, give me a Japanese song."

"Um…How about Bad Apple?" she suggested.

I quickly typed the title into the search bar and pulled up the first video. Immediately, some girl started singing about something in foreign.

Suddenly, there was a shout of "Kiku!" from the box, and I decided that it was safe to go over to it and open it. I pulled the cover off and nearly got pushed to the floor as the occupant shot straight up, looking all around him.

Yao turned to me, a look of confusion on his face. "Where's Kiku, aru?"

"Ah…He's not actually here," I replied, shutting off the music. "Sorry."

Yao looked disappointed for a moment. Then he walked over to me. "Who are you, aru?"

"I'm Madge. The idiot gaping at you is Bridget, the grinning idiot in the stupid outfit is Joshua, and I think you know Mattie."

"Hello!" Yao greeted, turning and looking at everyone.

Joshua raised a hand, and that irritating grin of his got wider. Bridget walked over to Yao and started babbling to him about something. I'm not sure what, because at that moment my phone decided to go off _right then_.

I glanced down at the caller ID and groaned. Audrey again. I swear, every time she calls me, she has an even stupider idea than before. "Give me a sec, guys, idiot number three's trying to call."

I walked out of the room, answering the phone. "Okay, Audrey, what do you want this time?"

"Clear your schedule for today!" Audrey practically yelled. "We've got important business to take care of!"

"Dammit, Audrey, I've got plans!" I snapped. "Learn to plan ahead for once! And what the _hell _could be so important?"

"I'll explain later! Just come pick me up and drive us to Sash's house!" Without giving me a chance to respond, she hung up.

I glared at my phone for a moment, sorely tempted to throw it at the wall, then walked back out to the others. "Change of plans, guys. Audrey's apparently got something important for us to do, and I have to head over to Sash's house to figure out what. Sorry, Josh. You think you could tell Caleb that I won't be able to make it?"

"Sure, no prob," he replied. "I might as well head out now, then. See you too later?"

I nodded, and he left, whistling some tune under his breath.

"Oh! Can I come?" Bridget asked as soon as Josh had closed the door.

"Yes," I sighed. Then I thought of something. "You know, I seriously doubt that Audrey told Sasha about this…Hang on, lemme call her. Then we can head over."

I put in Sasha's number and waited. After a couple of rings, someone finally answered. I heard a childish voice say, "Hello, Mother Russia's comrade!"

Wait, I think I know that voice. "Is this midget Ivan?"

"Yes!" he replied, and I could imagine him enthusiastically nodding his head.

"Do you think you could give the phone to Sasha?"

"Yes, right away!" The phone went silent, though a few moments later I could hear a muffled, "Mother Russia! Mother Russia!" as midget Ivan went to find Sasha.

And then I waited. And waited. And waited. After two minutes I wanted to yell into the phone. After five I was tempted to just hang up. After fifteen, I was considering throwing the phone again. I probably would have done it, too, if after another minute Sasha hadn't suddenly screamed, "Hello!"

"Geez, my ear!" I hissed. "What's with leaving me waiting then the loud greeting? I don't really appreciate you bursting my eardrum."

"Er... I had some... issues. Then I yelled because I was afraid you might be hanging up," Sasha replied. Like that makes up for it.

I sighed, trying to keep from yelling. "Sasha, listen carefully. See, when you're busy, the polite thing to do is to tell the person calling you, then call back later. It's not good to leave the person on the line for..." I quickly glanced at my watch. "Sixteen minutes. Do you understand?"

"Wait, what was that about being busy?" she asked.

"... You have issues," I finally said.

"So do you." Oh, she was _asking _for a fist in the face.

I slowly started counting to ten, trying to calm myself down. That was supposed to work, right? "Hey, I hope you're keeping that little Ivan away from the bastard him," I said once I thought I was calm enough.

"Why would I do that?"

"Because little him is decent. I really don't want him influenced by older him."

There was a sudden beep on the line. "Er, hold on. I have another call. Give me just a second..."

Oh, you are _fucking _kidding me.

I glared at the phone while I waited for Sasha to finish her oh so important conversation.

Finally, Sasha returned to our conversation. "Um, I have to go. My boss is coming over..."

Oh, no, no, _no. _She is _not _hanging up now. "Wait! I haven't told you what I needed to!" I said quickly.

"Okay, shoot. Quickly."

"First off, I love irony," I said, laughing. "A new unit came to my house today. Say hello, Yao."

I held out the phone, and Yao said a quick, "Ni-hao."

"China," I said smugly, returning the phone to my ear. "Somehow I've managed to get two sane units in a row."

"Your luck's going to run out," Sasha growled. Aw, is she _angry_?

Good.

"Eh, we'll see. Also, Bridget's in town," I added.

"Bridget? Your twin sister Bridget?"

"No, my llama Bridget," I replied, snorting and rolling my eyes. How many Bridgets does she know? "Yes, my sister. She's coming over with me later. Which leads me to another thing. Audrey's dragging us, China and Canada included, to your house. She says it's important."

"Should I be worried?"

"Knowing Audrey, yes. Last time that happened we ended up on a road trip to New York for pretzels." And trust me, you do _not _want to know how that went.

"Ugh, yeah, I remember that."

I was about to say something else, but suddenly I heard the faint ring of Sasha's doorbell. "There she is," Sasha said. "See you later, Madge."

"Yup," I replied before hanging up and turning to Bridget, Yao, and Mattie. "C'mon, guys. Let's get this moronic plan done with."

Hopefully before I throttled anyone.


	13. It's Great Being Unwanted, Isn't It?

As soon as I reached my car, I realized that we were gonna have some issues.

My car is small. It could probably only seat four people comfortably. Even five was pushing it.

And because a certain dumbass was making me pick her up, I was gonna have to somehow make it work.

I glanced over Bridget, Mattie, and Yao, mentally trying to picture the best seating arrangement. Finally, I came to a decision.

"Mattie, you ride shotgun. Bridget and Yao, you'll be in the back with Audrey."

"What? That's not fair!" Bridget protested. "I'm your sister! I should sit up front with you!"

"Or y'know, the biggest person should sit up front so that there'll actually be room in the back of the car," I replied. Ah, logic. I love it when it works for me. When it's used against me, it can go die in a hole, but for times like this…

Bridget looked like she wanted to continue arguing, but before she could say anything, I got into the car, slamming the door shut when I was in.

Mattie got in beside me, and I heard Yao and Bridget get in the back, Bridget still grumbling under her breath. I could see her shooting glares at me through the rearview mirror. Scary.

It took about ten minutes to drive to Audrey's house. She was sitting on the steps leading up to her door when I pulled up, and as soon as she saw me she ran over to the car, flinging open the door and nearly sitting on Yao until she noticed him. "Did you get a new unit?"

"No, I got a new puppy," I replied. "Yao, Bridget, scoot over."

"Oh, Bridget, hi!" Audrey said, climbing over Yao so she could sit next to my twin. "Madge didn't tell me you'd arrived when I called her!" She shot an accusatory glare at me.

"You didn't give me a chance!" I snapped. "You just told me to come get you before you hung up! I had _plans_!"

Audrey shrugged. "Not my problem."

I groaned and hit my head against the steering wheel. "Fine, whatever. Let's just get this over with."

After another few minutes of driving in which Audrey and Bridget wouldn't shut up, we finally reached Sasha's house. As I pulled up, I couldn't help but notice that her front door had been left open.

I shrugged, getting out of the car with the others following behind me. As soon as we walked inside, there was a sudden shout of, "HEY, ALFRED, UNAWESOME IVAN, TINY UNAWESOME ONE, COME AND SEE THIS!" from a certain Lord Dumbass.

Oh fan-fucking-tastic.

Gilbert turned as he heard us enter the house. "Oh, hey Yao! Audrey, you too. Hello, Madge. And hello there, new girl. How'd you like to see my five meters?"

I crossed my arms and glared at him. "Gilbert. You get near my sister, that kick from the other night will seem like a love tap. And leave Canada alone, too!"

Gilbert looked confused for a second. "Who? Kesesese, sorry, Mattie." Moron.

I looked around for Sasha but couldn't find her. There was Arthur, and next to him was a girl with brown hair that had streaks of violet who I assumed was Sasha's boss. Alfred came out from a nearby hallway, and Ivan and little Ivan came from another room. I was noticing a distinct lack of a moronic, Ivan-obsessed fangirl.

I heard the bathroom door open, and I looked over to see Sasha wearing a green, short, poofy, uncomfortable-looking dress that I would never be caught dead in. Is this dress-up day or something?

Sasha's face was bright red, and she refused to look at any of us, instead choosing to focus on the ground, even as she stopped right in front of us. Well, can you blame her? That dress is freaking ridiculous.

"Comrade Sasha, you look very pretty, da?" Ivan said, smiling. Again. Sasha looked up at him as he clapped his hands together. "You look very nice, like Russian girls who wear dresses often."

Sasha looked at all of us. I suppose it must have been awkward, what with all of us staring at her, but how often was it that we saw anyone, let alone Sasha, in such a ridiculous outfit?

"Mother Russia, I agree with big me!" little Ivan said with a giant smile.

"Sasha, you look good in a dress," Arthur added. "Why don't you wear them more often and be lady-like?"

Alfred nodded in quickly in agreement, then stopped and looked disgusted, probably at Arthur's use of lady-like or something.

"I-I don't r-really... I-I'm not p-pretty, s-so there's no..." Sasha stuttered, her face growing even redder.

"Kesesese!" Gilbert laughed and said with a thumbs up, "I'm glad I made you put that on." Oh, so this is that moron's fault, is it?

"AIYAH!" Yao ran past me and glomped Sasha, knocking her over and causing her to scream in surprise. He started rubbing his cheek against Sasha's, as weird as that sounds. "It's so CUTE, aru!"

"MY CHEEK BURNS," Sasha yelled, struggling to get up. Luckily for her, Yao got off of her, and she was able to hide behind Arthur.

"Madge, aru!" Yao said, hugging his Shinatty-cat-thing to him and looking at me. "Why don't you wear cute things like that?"

He's kidding, right?

"I don't do girly," I said, raising an eyebrow. "Does it look like I do?"

"Well, I'm going to change!" Sasha suddenly said. Before any of us could do more than stare at her, she was gone, the bathroom door slamming behind her.

"Okay, everyone, take a seat!" Audrey said, jumping onto Sasha's coffee table. "We have some important business to take care of as soon as Sasha's back!"

I sat down in one of the chairs, spacing out. It must be nice to be Sasha, being told how pretty she is and whatnot. I mean, I'm not shallow, and I really could care less about my appearance, but still, it must be nice to have compliments rained down on you.

After about a minute, Sasha joined us. Her eyes practically bugged out when she saw Audrey standing on her oh-so-precious coffee table. "Audrey! Get off-"

"Sit your white-ass down before I force you back into that adorable dress and lock you in the closet with Prussia. No offence, Gil." Audrey grinned at the two of them.

"None taken," Gilbert replied, grinning at Sasha. It took every ounce of my willpower not to get up and kick him again.

Sasha sat down right where she had been standing, clearly not wanting to argue anymore.

"SO!" Audrey said, clapping her hands together. "I have gathered you all here today-with one addition, what luck-to do something very necessary. It is time to do the thing you've all been waiting for, the thing that could not be put off any longer lest I begin murdering people-clothes shopping!"

Please tell me I just heard that wrong. Please tell me that she just said that we were packing our bags and going to live with the Amish, or dig to the center of the Earth, or _something _other than what I thought she just said.

The silence stretched on, until finally Audrey said, "Shopping. Hello? We're going shopping. You guys can cheer now."

Let me just say that cheering was the last thing on my mind and leave it at that.

"Shopping," I repeated, deadpan. "You called us all here with an emergency to go... shopping? I called off bringing Bridget to the dojo and hanging out with Caleb and Josh because of... shopping?" I sighed, bringing a hand to my head. "Why am I not surprised?"

Audrey grinned at us, pleased with her plan.

"Hey, the hero could go for that," Al said, shrugging.

"The awesome me would love that! That would be awesome!" Gilbert laughed, fist-pumping.

"Wha-Er... I really have all the clothes I need," Arthur mumbled. "I mean, I wouldn't mind having a few more vests or pants, but it's not necessary..."

"I would not really like to go, da?" Ivan said, his smile fading.

Little Ivan was bouncing up and down, clapping his hands and looking excited. "Oh! Does that mean that I get to get more clothes? I would like more clothes! It would be fun, da?"

"I don't feel like shopping..." Mattie said quietly. I don't think Audrey even heard him.

"Could I get some cute things, aru?" Yao asked.

"We're going to the mall! You guys could get anything you want!" Audrey replied, leaping off of the coffee table and putting her jacket on. What the hell is she doing with a jacket, anyway? It's the middle of summer!

Sasha stood up and held her hands up in an attempt to get Audrey's attention. "Whoa, whooaaa. Who said we were actually going to do this? And who's paying for the guys without jobs?"

Wow, she actually asked some good questions for once.

"_I_ said we were!" Audrey replied with about as much logic as a five-year-old. "And obviously it'll be you or Madge, depending on whether they live with you or her!"

I stared at Audrey, struggling not to get up and slap some sense into her. She forced me to change my plans for a shopping trip, and now she won't even bother to _pay _for the stuff we wouldn't be getting if it wasn't for _her_?

I heard a series of thuds, and I looked over to see Sasha banging her head against the wall.

"Hey, dude, why're you hitting your head against the wall?" Alfred asked, walking up to her and putting a hand on her shoulder.

Hm, I wonder. Could it possibly have anything to do with a certain moron who's dragging us out shopping?

"She did that the first time we went to go get vodka after Audrey and Madge left," Ivan added. Sasha glared at him, then backed off when his smile grew wider.

"So, who's going with who?" Audrey asked, twirling a keychain that must have belonged to Sasha on her finger. There was a little hamburger clipped to it for some reason. I wasn't going to ask.

"Well, you can go with Madge," Sasha replied, grabbing her keys from Audrey.

Wait a minute, no! I'm not putting up with that lunatic on the way to the mall! I already had to drive with her once!

"But Sashaaaaa, I wanna go with you and your guyyyyyysss…" Audrey whined, dropping to her knees. "And I rode with Madge heeeereeeee. And it was crowdeeeeeed. You know her beetle bug only holds four people weeeeell. There was five, and I got smoooooooshed." Well, thanks a whole fucking lot for that, Audrey. For a second, I thought you _liked _hanging out with me! Thank you _so _much for showing me the error of my ways!

"No," Sasha replied. I thought Audrey was going to collapse from disappointment. Oh boo-hoo. She could walk to the mall for all I cared.

"Hey, Sash?" Bridget said, clasping her hands together and looking at Sasha hopefully. "Er…can I ride with you?" Oh, thanks, guys. It's nice knowing that no one wants to come with me. It's great being unwanted, isn't it?

"…Alright," Sasha said, shrugging.

"WHAAAT?" Audrey cried.

"So I have to keep Audrey, and I lose my sister? Great," I muttered. Not that I really wanted either of them, but Bridget would be slightly more bearable than Audrey.

Audrey stared at me. "Thanks, Madge. Thanks a ton."

"Oh, you're very welcome," I replied, snickering a bit. She deserves it.

"So I guess I'll have…Bridget, Alfred, Gilbert, Arthur, Ivan, little Vanya, and Jenny?" Sasha said.

"Sounds right," I replied. "That means I've got Yao, Mattie, and Audrey." Yay. I looked around, then thought of something. "Oh, and keep Vanya away from that stupid Russian bastard." I might as well try to keep the mini commie bastard from turning out just like the normal commie bastard.

"Yeah, yeah," Sasha replied, clearly not caring. She grabbed her hoodie (even though, again, it's freaking summer) and opened the door for us. Everyone walked out, all with various opinions about how this day was gonna go.

"Fucking hell. This is gonna suck," I muttered under my breath as I walked to my car. I don't know about you, but I think I'm the most annoyed about this whole trip.

I got into my car. This time, Yao rode shotgun, with Mattie and Audrey in the back. I could only hope that she wouldn't squish him or something.

"Come on, Madge! Hurry up!" Audrey said, bouncing in her seat. "Sasha already left! We need to get there before her!"

"It's not a race, Audrey!" I yelled. "Just put your damn seatbelt on before I dump you on the side of the road!"

Yeah, this was gonna be _so _much fun.


	14. Side Story 4: It Wasn't Your Fault

It happened the summer before I started high school.

It was August, and Caleb and I were in a field near my apartment, sparring. Everything should have been fine. We were wearing our protective gear, and we'd sparred together hundreds of times without seriously hurting each other. We had bruises, sore muscles, and every other minor injury you could think of. But I suppose that, after so long without a serious injury, something was bound to happen.

Caleb and I are evenly matched when it comes to sparring. Sure, he's stronger than me, but I'm faster. I suppose that's probably why we've never really hurt ourselves. If neither of us can get in a really good blow, then neither of us can get hurt.

But this wasn't a really good blow. This was an accident, something that could have happened to anyone. And, naturally, I was the "anyone."

As I swung my leg at Caleb, I felt my other foot slip on the ground. The next thing I knew, Caleb had caught my foot, and I was falling. I felt his hands tighten instinctively on my foot, and then there was a slight crack as my ankle twisted the wrong way. I gripped the grass around me as pain shot up my leg. Caleb dropped my foot, and I couldn't keep myself from whimpering in pain as my foot jarred against the ground.

"Madge!" And then Caleb was kneeling on the ground next to me. "Wh-where does it hurt? Did something break?"

I'd never seen Caleb so panicked before. His hands were hovering around me, not sure what to do, and his face was a mixture of panic, worry, and guilt.

"Right ankle…" I groaned, clenching my eyes shut to keep from crying from the pain. Wouldn't that be just great, hurting myself and then crying in front of Caleb.

I heard Caleb shift his position to get a closer look at my ankle. He prodded my ankle, trying to find a break, and even though I knew he was trying to be gentle, it still hurt like hell, and I smacked his hand away, barely stifling another groan of pain.

"I don't suppose you have your phone on you, do you?" Caleb murmured. I opened my eyes to see him sitting back on his heels, running his hand through his hair.

"Left it in my apartment," I muttered. "You?"

"At home."

"So now what?" I asked. I was more than a little annoyed at being the cause of this problem.

Caleb sighed and glanced at my ankle again. "You can't walk on that." He was quiet for a moment, then seemed to come to a decision. "I'll have to carry you back. Then we can call your parents from the lobby."

Oh, super. So not only was my ankle probably broken, now I couldn't even take care of myself. This was probably one of the worst situations I could have gotten myself into. The only way it could be worse would be if I was alone.

"Do you think you could balance on one leg long enough for me to pick you up?" Caleb asked, snapping me out of my thoughts.

"Probably," I replied.

Caleb just nodded and stood up. He grabbed my hands and carefully helped pull me up to a somewhat standing position. Once he was sure I wasn't about to fall over, he let go of me and turned around, crouching slightly. I wrapped my arms around his neck, and he carefully grabbed my legs, first the injured one, then the other.

I couldn't walk, and now I was stuck riding piggyback. Isn't this super.

Caleb began walking back toward the apartment building. He walked slowly, and I could tell that he was trying to be careful, but each step sent another jolt of pain up my leg.

But there really wasn't a better way to do it, so I just grit my teeth and tried to ignore the pain. Caleb kept glancing back at me. The fifth time he did that, I made a face at him, and that got him to smile a bit. But he still looked worried and guilty.

When we reached the apartment's lobby, Caleb carefully lowered me into a chair and trotted over to the main desk. I watched him for a moment, then sighed and focused on my ankle. It was swollen and bent at a weird angle. I grimaced, then carefully raised my leg up and rested it on the chair next to me. That was what you were supposed to do when something was swollen, right? Elevate it?

After a minute, Caleb returned. "Your parents will be here in a few minutes."

I just nodded and glanced up at him. He was biting his lip, something I'd _never _seen him do before. I mean, this is Caleb we're talking about here. He's happy, he's obnoxious, he's teasing. He's not upset or guilty. And I didn't like this change.

Caleb cleared his throat. "So, ah, I guess we'll just have to wait here for a few minutes."

I simply nodded again. Caleb sat down beside me. We didn't speak, and in a way, it felt like we had just met and were stuck in that awkward "getting-to-know-you" phase. It was awful, and I hated it, and I wished that we would never have to go through it again.

Soon my parents arrived. Caleb and my dad helped me into the car, and Caleb, of course, decided to come with us. I knew that there was something bothering him, but now wasn't the time to ask.

It was an obnoxiously long, silent car ride, and the waiting time at the Emergency Room was obnoxiously long and boring. Quick bit of advice here: Don't go to an ER unless you really have to. The waiting sucks.

I won't waste your time with all of the details, but I had to have several X-rays where I had to hold my ankle in very painful positions for them to confirm that my ankle was indeed broken. Shocker.

After the doctor stated the obvious for us, I had to get a cast put on my leg. Let me just say that casts are the worst, especially foot casts. They're big, bulky, and heavy, and I had the added bonus of having to use crutches and hopping around like a moron for the next eight weeks.

Saying that I was annoyed is a bit of an understatement.

The drive back home was just as uneventful as the drive to, except when my parents tried to get me to come back to their house while I was in the cast. And maybe I was just being prideful, but I didn't want to return to their house. I had worked hard for my apartment, dammit, and I was gonna stay there.

The whole ride back, Caleb just stared out the window, resting his chin on his hand. He hadn't said one word the entire time, and I was starting to wonder why he'd insisted on coming with us.

When we finally reached the apartment building, my parents insisted on coming up with me to my apartment, which, I suppose, any parent would do. So the four of us got to spend a lovely elevator ride together. And by lovely, I mean awkward as hell.

My parents didn't stay too long. They just made sure I was set up and could take care of myself properly. As soon as they left, I flopped back on my couch, dumping the stupid crutches on the floor. "Well, this sucks."

Caleb didn't answer, didn't even look at me. He stared at the ground, shuffling his feet a bit and fidgeting and just looking uncomfortable.

I frowned. This definitely wasn't like him. Normally he'd be making some joke at my expense or screwing around on my crutches. And sure, that would piss me off, but I'd prefer it to him moping around.

"Okay, out with it."

That got him to look at me. He stared at me in surprise as I crossed my arms and gazed evenly back at him. "Out with what?"

"You've been distant and quiet all day," I replied. "That's not like you."

For a moment, I thought he was gonna deny everything. Then his shoulders lifted in a slight shrug, and he ran his fingers through his hair, just as he had done earlier and every other time he was upset or stressed. "It's my fault you got hurt."

Oh, great. He's guilty about something that's not even his fault. "Caleb—"

"No, just listen to me, Madge." He started pacing and wringing his hands, seemingly unable to settle down. "If I hadn't grabbed your foot, you would've just fallen. Sure, it would've hurt for a second, but it wouldn't have been serious."

"Caleb—"

"No, let me talk," Caleb said. His pacing was bringing him steadily closer to where I was sitting. "I just, I feel so bad about this. It's my fault, and now your ankle's broken, and I'm so sorry, and I don't know how to make it up to you, and—"

"Caleb!" I yelled, and I don't know what came over me then, but he was within arm's reach, and I grabbed him and pulled him into a hug. "You idiot, is that what you were worried about? It wasn't your fault. You couldn't have known what would happen. Just…stop beating yourself up over this, alright?"

Hesitantly, Caleb hugged me back. We stayed like that for a few seconds. Then he pulled back and sank onto the couch next to me. "…You're not upset?" he asked quietly.

I punched his arm. "Do you want me to be?"

He shook his head quickly. "No!" he said, looking over at me. There was still pain in his eyes. "But I could have seriously hurt you!"

I sighed. "And we're back to this again. How many times do I have to tell you that it's fine until you believe me?"

Caleb didn't say anything, and I sighed with impatience.

"Caleb, you know me. You know that I don't hug people a lot. You also know that, when I'm upset with someone, I make that known. If I was angry, you wouldn't be sitting here."

Wow. I think that might have been one of the few heart-to-heart moments I've ever had. I really hope that I don't have to have any more.

Caleb was getting really good at being quiet. But eventually he did smile slightly and bump me with his shoulder. "I guess you're right."

"I'm always right."

"Really now?" Caleb said, smirking. "I can think of quite a few times where you were wrong."

"Prove it." Bad idea.

"Well, there was that time you managed to get us lost because you were holding the map upside down…"

I lunged at him, but he jumped off of the couch, laughing. Before I could get my crutches to chase him, he grabbed them and ran off into the kitchen.

"Asshole!" I yelled. But I couldn't keep myself from laughing, because this was how it should be. No moping, no guilt, just the two of us arguing and pissing each other off and laughing.

Because Caleb isn't sadness. Caleb is laughter, and happiness, and a bunch of other things I can't think of, and I'm so grateful that he's my friend. And if there was one thing in this world that I could control, it would be that Caleb and I would always be friends.


	15. I'd Have To Get Used To It Soon

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

"How about now?"

"Nope."

"Now?"

"Shut up."

"…Now?"

I gripped the steering wheel tightly, glaring at Audrey through my rearview mirror. "No. we won't be there until we're there. Now shut up before I stop this car and punch you in the face."

Audrey pouted and slumped in her seat, and I turned my attention back to the road where some idiot had just cut me off. Resisting the urge to beep my horn at him, I drove on, watching for the sign that would tell me which exit took me to the damn mall.

Now that Audrey had stopped bugging me, the car was silent. Mattie was staring out the window, and Yao was clutching Shinatty close to him. Audrey, of course, was sulking.

"I wish I'd gone with Sash," she muttered.

I get annoyed. I get frustrated. And when I do, I let that show. But when I'm truly angry, I don't often show it. But Audrey was starting to push me to that point with remarks like that. Any second now, I was gonna completely lose it, and that would most likely not end well.

But before I could completely lose it, I felt a hand on my arm. I looked over in confusion to see Yao looking back at me, smiling slightly.

"Ignore her," he said quietly. "She doesn't realize she is insulting you, aru."

I hesitated before nodding and turning my attention back to the road. Damn him and his 4000-year-old logic.

After about fifteen more minutes, we finally arrived at the stupid mall. Somewhere along the way we had passed Sasha, so we got to play the fun game of lean against the car and wait for everyone to show up.

Luckily, it was only about two or three minutes until Sasha pulled up near us. She and the others piled out of the car, all singing German Sparkle Party at the top of their lungs. Great.

"…Good trip?" I asked, staring at Sasha as she continued to sing.

She immediately stopped singing and gave me a look. "No. Not really." Oh, because that makes _perfect _sense. Naturally, the only way to deal with an annoying trip is to sing at the top of your lungs. Silly me! I should have been singing the entire time!

"You German Sparkle Partied without me?" Audrey demanded. "How dare you!"

"It was pretty awesome," Bridget replied, giggling. Gilbert's bird was sitting on her shoulder, and she scratched it on the head.

I frowned, then turned back to Sasha. "You let her sit next to Prussia, didn't you?"

"Uhhh…yeah?"

That was _not _what I wanted to hear. "Great. Now I'm going to hear her talking about how 'awesome' everything is, including him. Thank you, Sasha. You've made my night." I turned to Bridget, shaking my head at her. Tonight was gonna suck.

"Well, it was awesome!" Bridget protested.

Gilbert came up to Bridget and took his bird, smirking. "Oh, how awesome I am?"

"…I SAID NO SUCH THING," Bridget yelled, panicking. "MADGE SAID IT. SMIRK SEXILY AT MADGE, NOT ME." She pointed at me, and I just rolled my eyes. She is so childish sometimes.

"I don't know how we're related, much less twins," I said. "Now are we going to go in or stand out here until it closes?"

"YES. ONWARD!" Audrey yelled, running toward the mall. Everyone began running after her, with Sasha quickly falling behind, and even though we probably looked stupid, I joined in, easily passing Audrey and grinning at her as I went.

What? I don't often get chances to show these guys up. I need to take them when I can.

Of course, my temporary good mood didn't last long. I stopped as soon as I reached the inside of the mall, but everyone else but Sasha kept running, scattering off in different directions like a bunch of two-year-olds with ADD.

"Dammit!" I said. "They just split up as soon as we got here!" I turned and kicked a trash bin, only to immediately regret it when the trash can turned out to be a little more solid than I thought. I started hopping on one foot, hissing under my breath.

When I finally realized how idiotic I looked hopping around, I stopped, though I still kept my foot a few inches off of the ground. I glared at Sasha and pointed at her. "Maybe if YOU weren't so slow, you could've helped me keep them together!" I accused. Okay, maybe she wouldn't have helped at all, but I was pissed.

"Has anyone ever told you that you have anger-management issues?" she asked instead, gesturing to my foot. Before I could reply, she seemed to realize something, and her expression went from a rather neutral one to a depressed one.

I was having a lot of practice in restraining myself from punching people today. "And has anyone ever told you that you're bipolar?"

"…Okay, that's not the point," she replied. What, and my apparent anger issues _are_? Sasha pointed in one direction. "I'll go that way, you go the opposite way. We'll gather who we find, and then meet up at that…er…map in front of the store, okay?"

"Fine," I replied. I began limping in the opposite direction, then stopped when I heard a snicker. I turned around and glared at Sasha. "Make one more fucking sound and I will punch you."

Sasha made a show of zipping her lips and throwing away the key before turning and jogging off in her direction.

So. Now I was stuck with the exceptionally irritating task of finding a bunch of morons who thought it would be _hilarious _to run off on us. All I have to say is they better hope Sasha's the one to find them.

I looked left and right, peering into the window of each store to try to find someone. My gaze slid over a toy store, then immediately shot back when I noticed a giant teddy bear. It was being held by someone with little legs sticking out from under it running excitedly through the store and a scarf trailing behind it.

I stormed into the store. "Vanya! Get over here!"

The teddy bear stopped its mad dash through the store. Vanya's face appeared from behind the head of the teddy bear, and he was staring at me with wide eyes. "Comrade Madge?"

"No, comrade Steve," I replied. "Yes, it's Madge. Now put the damn bear down and come with me!"

"But comrade Madge, I like this bear. Can I have it?" He stared at me with pleading eyes.

"No. We're here for clothes. If you _really _want the bear, take it up with Sasha sometime, but for now come with me so we can find the other idiots who ran off."

Vanya reluctantly put the bear back where he'd found it, and we left the store, with him trailing dejectedly behind me.

Now, for those of you who are upset with me and calling me rude names for not buying the kid a bear, just think for a moment. Did _your _parents buy you everything you wanted whenever you asked?

Didn't think so.

Vanya and I soon reached a children's play area, and I spotted a familiar ponytail amidst a group of four little kids. Yao was smiling and waving his arms around energetically, and the kids were laughing at whatever it was that he was saying. A little girl was holding Shinatty, and as I watched, Yao carefully picked up a brown-haired boy and placed him on his shoulders, laughing along with all of the kids.

And sure, it was sweet and all, but we had to go. I marched up to him, tapping him on the arm. He spun around in surprise, both hands on the little boy to make sure he didn't fall. "Oh, Madge!"

I crossed my arms, staring at him. "Yao. Say bye to your new friends. We need to go."

"But Madge…" Yao began, but he was interrupted by the little girl holding Shinatty, who tugged on his shirt.

"Mr. Yao, who's the angry lady?" she asked. I stiffened. Angry lady?

But Yao just grinned at the girl. "This is Madge! She's a friend of mine, aru. And Madge, this is Lucy," he said, pointing to the little girl. "And this is her brother, Alex." He pointed to the boy on his shoulders. "And those are their friends, Lizzie and Marcus." He gestured toward the other two kids.

"Yes, yes, great," I said. "But Yao, we need to go. Now, or I'm taking Shinatty away."

Yao nodded sadly, then lowered Alex to the ground. He turned to Lucy, who handed him Shinatty, then ruffled Marcus's hair and waved at Lizzie. "Good-bye, then. Maybe I will see you again, aru?"

Lucy grinned widely, showing a missing front tooth. "Oh, yes, please, Mr. Yao!"

"Okay, I think that's enough," I said, grabbing Yao's hand and dragging him away. "Don't go making them promises you can't fulfill!"

Yao's face fell. "I just liked watching them…"

I sighed, coming to a stop. "…Fine, it's fine…Just listen to me the first time, okay?"

He nodded. "No problem, Madge!"

I nodded distractedly. I had just noticed a little bookshop, and something told me that I would find Audrey in there, looking through all of the manga. "C'mon," I said, walking in. Yao and Vanya followed.

Just as I thought, I found Audrey in the manga section, kneeling on the floor and reading something. What I wasn't expecting her to do when she saw me was scream and throw the book at me. I just barely dodged it, but it hit Yao, who had been standing behind me, right in the face.

Audrey stood up and tried to run, but I grabbed her arms before she could make it more than three steps. "Let me go!"

"Not happening," I growled, dragging her out of the store. "Need I remind you that you're the one who came up with this stupid idea? Now Sasha and I are running all over this damn place searching for idiots like _you_ who thought it would be just _wonderful _to run off on us in the middle of a huge, crowded, freaking _mall_. No, you are staying _right by me _so I know where you are."

Audrey pouted, then perked up as something caught her attention. "Is that Bridget over there?"

I followed her gaze to see my twin kneeling behind a plant, staring into an electronics store at a certain albino former nation who was bent over a laptop. Naturally.

"Bridget!" I yelled, and she jumped like she'd just been shocked. She turned to us and began shooting me a look that clearly said, "Shut up," but I really didn't care. I marched over to her, dragging Audrey along with me. "What the _hell _are you doing?" I hissed.

"…Admiring the view?" Bridget said, gesturing toward the store.

I sighed and shook my head. "I'll deal with you later. Now _stay_, all of you, while I go drag that idiot out of there."

I marched into the store. "Gilbert!"

Gilbert looked up at me. "Hey, unawesome bitch, check this out! This laptop looks so much faster than that stupid computer Sash has at home!"

"Great, don't care. Now come on, let's go." I reached out to grab his arm, but he just skipped away from me.

"Kesesese! Gotta catch me first!" he cackled before racing off into the store.

"GILBERT, GET THE HELL BACK HERE!" I yelled, running after him. I weaved between the shoppers and display stands, bumping into a few things along the way. Ahead of me, Gilbert nearly knocked over a stand. He was laughing the entire time.

And that was how I got kicked out of a store for the very first time.

"Well," I said, looking at the group in front of me, "this looks like the end of this part of the mall. Let's head back and see if Sasha's found the others yet."

We walked back to the map. Sasha hadn't arrived yet, so we got to stand around and wait for her. Eventually, she did arrive after about five minutes.

"Did you have as much fun as I did tracking them down?" I asked sarcastically as she approached me with her group.

"Ehhh," Sasha said, shrugging. "I suppose it wasn't half-bad." Oh hooray for her. "So do we actually get to get the shopping over with now?"

"Yes!" Audrey said. She pulled some kind of map out of her pocket. "Now, I've put together a battle plan so we can hit the best places with the sales, and so that we can get clothes that will suit everyone—"

"NO!" Sasha shouted. "I am not walking all over this mall again!" Good, something I can agree with.

"But—"

"Er, why don't we just go to J.P. Benny's?" Bridget suggested, pointing to a nearby store.

"That'll work," Audrey and Sasha said. Good, they agreed.

"So we'll head to the Men's Department first?" Jenny suggested. "Then we could swing by the Boy's for little Ivan?" Good, more sensible ideas.

"PLAN-SCHMAN," Alfred yelled, taking off into the store. "I'M FINDING MYSELF SOME CLOTHES."

"Awesome clothes, here I come!" Gilbert said, running after Alfred.

Everyone else there stared at me and Sasha. What, like _we _were supposed to go get them? I'd already chased enough idiots for one day.

"…I'm waiting by the first downstairs cash register after helping Vanya get some clothes," Sasha said, taking Vanya by the hand and walking into the store. Nice, just escaping from the idiots and leaving me to deal with them.

Audrey clapped her hands together. "Alright! I'll make sure everyone gets some cool clothes."

"Great," I said. "Why don't you get on that by finding Alfred and Gilbert? Jenny can go with Arthur, Bridget can go with Ivan, and I'll go with Mattie and Yao."

"Sounds great!" Audrey said. She turned and disappeared into the store.

Bridget stared at me with wide eyes. "Why couldn't I go with Al and Gil?"

"Because you've been around them enough today," I replied. "Just go."

After Bridget, Ivan, Jenny, and Arthur left, I turned to Mattie and Yao. "Okay, let's find you some clothes quickly and get out of here."

I led them to the Men's Department. I could see the others poking around the racks, but I ignored them, focusing on my manageable units.

Mattie didn't take long to pick out his stuff. He chose some nondescript shirts, jackets, pants, and shorts. Yao went straight for the brightly colored shirts and pants, many of them with some kind of design that he deemed cute. He'd even somehow found a track suit and a Hello Kitty hoodie. Why he needed those, I had no idea, but I was too tired to argue.

I led them to the register, where the others were waiting. Vanya had a lot of yellow shirts, as did Ivan. Gilbert had gotten a bunch of skinny jeans, which I'm sure Bridget would love, and, for some reason, a pair of giant headphones with yellow chicks on them. Why exactly did he need that?

Alfred's choices were even worse. He had gotten, among regular shirts and pants, a cowboy hat and another pair of headphones, these with the American flag on it. Arthur, at least, was a little more sensible. He'd mainly gotten the essentials, shirts and pants and shoes, with a few personal touches, like ties and beltsand sweater vests.

I'd hate to know how much this had cost Sasha.

When we had finished paying, we headed out to the parking lot. It had gotten dark while we were inside. Sasha looked over at Audrey. "You get something? What?"

I looked over as well. Audrey was holding about five bags of stuff she must've picked up when we weren't paying attention. But as soon as Sasha had asked her, she hid the bags behind her back. "Nothing!"

"Uh, oookaaaay," Sasha said, confused.

"Well, I'll leave now," Jenny said, looking across the street. "That was a strange time. Thanks for letting me come, Sash." She grinned and waved before jogging off.

"No problem!" Sasha called.

I looked at my watch. It was definitely getting late. "Okay, well, I'll take Bridget, Yao, Mattie, and Audrey so I can take Audrey home then just go home. Stay safe, Sasha."

"Mm-hm. You too," she replied.

"Bye Sash!" Bridget said, grinning. "See you another time!"

"Bye, Sasha," Yao said.

"Yeah, good-bye, Sash," Mattie said.

We walked over to my car. Mattie joined me up front again to make more room in the back, and I drove out of the parking lot. Everyone was tired, and the car ride was completely quiet aside from the occasional crinkling sounds from the bags. It seemed like it took no time at all before we reached Audrey's house and dropped her off, and then all of a sudden we were back at my apartment.

It was only when I entered my apartment that I remembered the slight problem of where everyone was going to sleep. Bridget would probably get the guest bedroom, and Yao could probably fit on the couch, but as for Mattie…

I sighed. "Mattie, you'll probably have to share with me. I don't have enough beds for everyone, and Yao would probably fit better on the couch. Is that okay with you?"

Mattie just nodded. It's nice having an agreeable unit.

"Well, I'm going to bed, then," Bridget said, yawning. "G'night." She walked into what was now her room.

"Mattie, go grab your PJs and change in the bathroom," I said. "I'll let you in when I'm done changing."

"Okay," he said quietly, walking off. "Good-night, Yao."

"Good-night," Yao replied. "You too, Madge."

"Yeah, 'night," I mumbled, wandering into my room.

Let me tell you, it's hard sharing a bed when you're not used to it. Especially when you haven't been living with that person for very long. I mean, Mattie's a pretty calm sleeper, but it's still something wasn't used to.

But at the rate things were going for me, I'd have to get used to it soon.


	16. You Remembered!

It's not easy having lived on your own for a while before suddenly gaining three roommates.

I mean, sure I lived with my parents and Bridget for most of my life, but for a while now I'd been on my own aside from sleepovers and the occasional visit from my twin. I'd gotten used to being on my own, to taking care of myself, to not having to worry about anyone but me.

The units changed that.

The first thing I had to get used to were the weird sleeping patterns. That first night, Yao woke me up at four in the morning. I could hear him in the kitchen, making himself some breakfast. Somehow Mattie hadn't woken up, and I couldn't hear anything from Bridget's room. And then, of course, I couldn't get back to bed because a certain polar bear decided that my head was a comfier spot to sleep than curled up next to Mattie.

The second thing I had to get used to was, of course, having to share my bed. My bed is just wide enough so that Mattie and I weren't squished together, but it was still awkward as hell. But at least he didn't kick or hog the blankets or anything.

The third thing I had to get used to was suddenly having three other people to take care of. Mainly, that meant that I had to buy more food, which was hurting my wallet. Eventually, I threw Mattie and Yao out of my apartment and told them not to come back until they had jobs.

Which actually worked out pretty well. Matt found a job as a hockey instructor at a local rink, and Yao was hired at a daycare. They were both happy with this, and because of how close their jobs were were, I didn't even need to worry about transportation.

Soon we managed to establish a normal routine. Yao would wake up insanely early and not wake anyone else up. I managed to drag myself out of bed before ten most mornings so Bridget wouldn't barge into my room and whine about how hungry she was because she was too lazy to make her own breakfast. Yao and Mattie left for work at the same time each morning, and each afternoon Yao came home babbling happily about the kids at the daycare while Mattie simply rested on the couch, sometimes rubbing an arm or a leg where an overexcited kid had hit him with a puck or a stick. It was a routine, it was regular, and I was happy with it.

So Sasha calling me and telling me to come over to her house naturally threw a wrench in things.

But Sasha, at least, had the good sense to call me in advance, unlike certain people, which made it much easier for Mattie and Yao to get the day off.

So when the day came, Mattie, Yao, Bridget, and I all piled into my car and drove over to Sasha's house.

As soon as I pulled up, Bridget jumped out of the car and ran up to the door. After trying to turn the knob and finding the door apparently locked (why the hell is it locked? Sasha knew we were coming over), she began looking for something. That something turned out to be a key that she pulled out from under the doormat, and after she unlocked the door, she kicked it open.

I don't understand her either.

I debated running after her and yelling, but I decided that it wasn't really worth it. Before I could get out of the car, Bridget disappeared into the house.

I sighed, getting out of the car. I still don't understand how we're related.

I walked up to the door, just in time to hear Sasha say, "I'll bite you."

…I don't understand my friends, either.

"…What's the first thing I hear when I walk in?" I asked as I entered. "I'll BITE you? Why do I even come over here anymore? Obviously I should just call the damn funny farm."

Then I got a good look at everyone. Specifically, Gilbert, who seemed to be sitting on something that looked suspiciously like Vanya and looking extremely proud of it. "…Okay, now my thoughts are just confirmed. Gilbert, idiot, what are you doing?"

Gilbert smirked at me. Asshole. "Sitting on Vanya, dumbass. What does it look like? Damn, you act so high and mighty but you can't even figure that out, can you, you unawesome bitch?"

That. Complete. And. Utter. _Ass._ I felt my face heat up, and before I could say something, Sasha and Bridget burst into laughter. "OH GOD…C-CAN'T…BREATHE…THAY…WAS AWESOME…" Sasha choked out, gasping for air in between her laughter. I glared at them, cracking my knuckles, but they were unfazed.

"TRUTH HURTS, DON'T IT, HONEY?" Sasha continued, falling down on her back from laughing so hard."

"You are the most awesome person ever and I love you," Bridget said to Gilbert, hugging his legs.

"Kesesese! And that's how it should be," Gilbert said.

Okay, this is seriously pissing me off. I did _not _come over here just so that these assholes could make fun of me. "O-okay, everyone just shut the fuck up. And you, Prussia, get off of Vanya. Before I make you."

"Oooo, I'm so scared," Gilbert replied, yawning and bouncing on Vanya.

I rolled my sleeves up. "You damn well should be. Now get off of Vanya, he's a nice kid."

Lord Dumbass just continued to smirk at me. "Bitch, I'm sure Jack the Ripper was a nice kid. Look what he turned out to be."

Before I could think of a response, there was a sudden shriek of, "DID I HEAR JACK THE RIPPER? WHERE IS THAT AMAZING MAN?" and Jenny burst in through the sliding door. What, she couldn't just use the front door like any sane person would?

"In the ground somewhere," Sasha replied. "Now help us get Gil off of little Vanya."

"Huh?" Jenny said, glancing around. "Gil's on Va—BWAHAHAHAHAHA." She finally noticed the idiot and the midget, and she burst into hysterical laughter. "Yes! Yes, Gilbert! THAT IS CALLED WINNING. FUCKING CHARLIE SHEEN STYLE. HIGH FIVE." She and the albino idiot high fived.

I really have to wonder about Sasha's choice of friends sometimes.

"Hey!" Bridget snapped, tightening her hold on Gilbert's legs. "No touching the Prussian man candy, bitch! Go and yell at Sasha for getting touchy-feely with your British boy!"

Jenny's laughter stopped short, and she turned slowly to face Sasha. She walked toward her, glaring at her before poking her in the chest. "Hm? What's this? Did I hear Bridget correctly? What happened with you and Iggy?"

These people are fighting over anime-characters-turned-unit-robot-thingies. I'm in a madhouse.

"Heh…nothing, Jenny…" Sasha said weakly.

Jenny continued to glare. "…I will cause you hell in the form of two tacos and a fake mustache."

What. There is something wrong with her.

"J-Jenny, calm down, pet," Arthur said, holding his hands up.

And, of course, she did immediately. "Yes, good sir. Ten-four can do."

She's as bipolar as Sasha.

Before anyone could think of a reply to that, Yao and Mattie finally came in.

"Ai-yah!" Yao said. "That grown-up Russian is crazy! Madge, he's breaking into your car!"

"WHAT?" I shouted. I ran outside to see that, yes, the bastard was tugging on one of the door handles. So I did the natural thing.

I punched him in the neck.

Ivan backed away from my car and turned to stare at me. He started to smile. "Ah, comrade, that was not very nice."

"Don't care," I said, crossing my arms. "Why the hell are you trying to break into my car?"

His grin grew wider. "I just wanted to surprise Yao. Is that so bad?"

"Yes. Now get away from my car!"

Before I could react, Ivan grabbed my arm in a tight grip. "Ah, I do not think so. It would be a lovely surprise." He twisted my arm slightly.

I glared at him and punched him in the neck again. He released my arm and continued to smile at me. "Fine, fine. I will leave your car alone. But we will finish this another day."

He walked into the house. I stomped in after him, people staring.

"…What happened?" Sasha asked.

"Comrade Madge punched me. Kolkolkol," Ivan said. "And I—"

"You say it and it'll be more than your damn neck bruised," I interrupted. I rubbed my arm where Ivan had twisted it. I could already see a bruise. Great.

Sasha barely contained a laugh. "Ivan, Gilbert's sitting on Vanya."

I smirked as Gilbert paled. Bastard's in for it now.

"Oh, da, comrade?" Ivan said. "Spasiba, defender of men, for telling me. Oh, Kaliningrad. I think you should let little me up."

…I hope he doesn't wound his face," Bridget said. "My poor beloved."

"It's his own damn fault," I said, which made Bridget jump.

"I don't think it'd be very awesome to get up," Gilbert said, coughing.

"Ah, I think—"

Whatever Ivan thought was interrupted by a shout of, "THE PARTAY HAS ARRIVED." I turned to see Audrey burst into the house, dressed in all black. Ah, yes, the final moron that makes up this delightful little group. Joy.

"Oh, yep. You're definitely the 'partay.'" I said, shaking my head and rolling my eyes.

"…Is Gil sitting on Vanya?" Audrey asked, completely ignoring me.

"Yep!" Jenny replied.

"I think you mean e-yup," Bridget corrected. Um, what?

"NO," Sasha yelled. "NO PONY REFERENCES. I CALLED YOU ALL HERE FOR A REASON, DAMMIT. AND IT WAS NOT FOR PONY REFERENCES, MY PONY LOVING FRICKIN' FRIEND." I, along with everyone else, stared at her. "..Though I love me some Bic Macintosh," she added quietly.

That's it. She's finally cracked and gone insane.

Sasha seemed to give up. "Alright, if you're all going to stare, Ivan, get Gil off of Vanya, Jenny, go close the door you decided not to close, Audrey, close the OTHER door, and Bridget, can I have a glass of water?"

Everyone went off to do their tasks. I sat down in one of the chairs as Sasha did the same. Jasper, her dog, came out from wherever he'd been and rested his chin on her lap.

"Here, Sasha. Sorry," Bridget said, handing Sasha a cup of water.

"Thanks," Sasha replied before chugging her water.

Ivan walked over to Sasha and placed his hands on her shoulder. "Podruga, are you alright?"

"'Course," Sasha said, staring at him in what was obviously fear. "Uh…where'd you put Gilbert?"

Oh, Kaliningrad? He is in the toilet."

…I really don't know whose side I should be on here. Ivan's a bastard, but Gilbert's an ass.

"NOOOO, MY LIEBE!" Bridget cried, dashing to the bathroom.

"How the hell am I related to her?" I said, watching her run off.

I ask myself that every day," Sasha replied. "How could such a nice, pushover-y, happy person who is a mind-whore be your twin?"

I smiled darkly at her. "Watch it, friend."

Sasha looked away as Bridget brought Gilbert back in to the room, a towel on his head. "Okay, seems like everyone's here," Sasha said. "I, um, have something to say." She tried to stand up, but Ivan was still gripping her shoulders."I-Ivan, can you just let go…?"

"Da," Ivan replied.

She tried to stand up, but Ivan hadn't released her. "…Will you let go?"

"Nyet."

"Pray tell, Ivan, why?"

"My podruga, we have not been friendly in so long," Ivan said in a sing-song voice, hugging Sasha against the back of the chair.

"That sounded wrong," Bridget commented. Way to voice a relevant thought there, sis.

"Ivan's just wrong, period," I deadpanned.

"Ivan, let go!" Sasha protested, squirming and turning to glare at him. "You're so…so…so clingy!"

"Kolkolkol…"

Ivan let go of Sasha with one hand and took out his pipe, placing it against Sasha's neck. "Defender of men, that was mean."

I snickered. Serves her right, putting up with that bastard.

"S-sorry, Ivan…So sorry," Sasha mumbled.

"It's fine, da?" Ivan said, taking the pipe away from Sasha and helping her to her feet.

"Uhh…right," Sasha replied. "Th-thanks…Er…BACK TO TOPIC. The fourth of July is coming up. and that's Al's birthday."

Everyone's just pointing out the obvious today, aren't they? "No shit, Sherlock. It's only been a holiday for hundreds of years."

"Shut the fuck up, Watson," Sasha snapped. Oh no, I'm so offended! She glared at me. "ANYWAYS. I want to throw him a surprise party. I feel like he'd really like it. You know, after the despair of us all 'forgetting' his birthday."

"I did not forget, I just do not care," Ivan said.

"How am I supposed to pull off forgetting that bloody day?" Arthur asked, crossing his arms. "That day was terrible."

"Just do it, Iggy," Bridget said. "Al deserves a surprise party. I'm in, Sasha. Good idea."

"'Course I'm in!" Audrey said, grinning. "Alfred's my main man."

I shrugged. "I guess I'm in." I wasn't about to ruin it for everyone else, after all.

"…I do like parties," Gilbert said, smirking and leaning back in his chair. "Let's do it. I'll bring the awesome."

"W-well, he is my brother…" Mattie mumbled. "So of course—"

"I'll help, aru," Yao interrupted, smiling. I sighed. Mattie just couldn't catch a break.

"Sure, I'll join in, but where's this party going to be?" Jenny asked. Good, an important comment.

"…We'll cross that bridge when we get to it," Sasha said. _Of course _she doesn't have it planned out yet. Why am I not surprised? "Ivan, Arthur? Please?"

"I do not like America, defender of men," Ivan said, his smile fading.

"And I hate that day, love," Arthur added.

"Please? Please please please? I'm begging! I'm begging on my kneeeees." Sasha actually fell to her knees, her hands clasped together. She fell forward onto her stomach, holding onto their shoes. Moron. "If not for Alfred, for me? I really wanna throw this party!"

"…Fine, pet," Arthur finally said, sighing. "If you want it that badly, I'll play along," he added with a small smile.

"Maybe, comrade," Ivan said. He placed a hand on Sasha's head. "But if I do this, then on the day of Alfred's party, you have to stay next to me. No matter what, da?"

Sasha blinked. "Um…okay, Ivan."

"Oh, good. You're all mine on the day of his birthday."

"…Sounded wrong," Jenny and Bridget said together, high fiving. Weirdos. Why aren't _they _the twins? It would make my life so much easier.

Ivan pulled Sasha to her feet, and she looked at us. "…Present shopping now?"

"HUZZAH!" Bridget shouted, fist-pumping and jumping on Gilbert's back. "Away, my albino!" I slapped a hand to my face. My sister is an idiot.

Hopefully the shopping wouldn't take too long. I had a party of my own to prepare.

* * *

><p>I got up earlier than normal on the morning of July first, earlier than Mattie. I carefully slipped out of bed, trying not to wake him. Kumajirou looked up at me sleepily as I walked to my door, then settled back down in his spot next to Matt.<p>

I slipped out of my room and looked around to make sure everything was in place. There were two presents on the table in the living room. I could hear Yao in the kitchen, putting the finishing touches on a cake. Across the wall hung a banner that said, "HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MATTIE."

As I looked around, I heard someone trying to buzz in. I quickly went over to buzz them in, hoping the sound hadn't woken Mattie, and waited for them to come up. When I heard the quiet knock on my door, I quickly walked over and opened it. Caleb and Joshua stood outside it, both of them holding presents.

"Hey," I said softly. "Come in, but be quiet. Mattie's still sleeping."

They entered, and I closed the door behind them, trying to make as little sound as possible. They placed their gifts on the table just as Bridget wandered out of her room, yawning. "Is he up yet?" she whispered.

"He should be soon," I replied.

Yao, hearing the voices, came out of the kitchen. "Ah, good morning, everyone."

"Is the cake finished?" I asked.

He nodded. "It's ready, aru. I put it in the refrigerator."

"Thanks," I said, straining my ears. Was that movement I heard coming from my room?

It turned out that I was right. A few seconds later, Mattie wandered out of my room, holding Kumajirou. When he saw us, the decorations, and the presents, he stopped and stared, surprised.

"Happy Birthday, Mattie!" we chorused.

Mattie stared at us, wide-eyed. Then he grinned, looking happier than I'd ever seen him. "You remembered!"

"Of course I remembered," I replied smiling back. "It's your birthday, after all."

Caleb slung an arm over my shoulder. "You can thank Madge for this. She organized it."

"Let go," I muttered, pushing at Caleb's arm. He wouldn't budge, so I just gave up. "Sasha and Audrey said they're sorry they couldn't make it. Audrey's got family stuff and Sasha's still busy planning Al's party. But they told me to tell you happy birthday."

"Enough of this!" Josh shouted. "It's present time!"

Bridget grabbed Mattie's arm and dragged him over to the couch. I sat down next to him, with Caleb on my other side, and Bridget, Yao, and Josh gathered around us.

The first gift Mattie opened was from Joshua. Josh had gotten him an Ottawa Senators jersey. Next was Caleb's present. This was another hockey jersey, this one for the Toronto Maple Leafs. Yao's present was next, a pair of ice skates.

Finally, Mattie grabbed the largest box, the one from me and Bridget. He tore off the wrapping paper and opened the box, then stared in surprise at its contents.

I smiled at him. "We thought you could hang it somewhere," I said as he pulled out a Canadian flag. Mattie turned to face me and nodded enthusiastically, a huge smile lighting up his face.

"Yes, I'd like that," he said. "Thank you. All of you."

This party wasn't big and fancy. There weren't a lot of guests. But from the way Mattie was smiling, I could tell that it was enough that we had remembered. It must be awful, being forgotten all the time, and I was glad that I could make him happy, even if it was only for the day.


	17. There's No Way That I'd Ever Tell Anyone

The day after Mattie's party found me talking rapidly on my cell phone.

"Yes, yes, I know it's short notice…But will you please come? I don't think I can handle Alfred, Gilbert, and Ivan by myself for a whole day."

The only response I got was a rather loud sigh.

"It's at an amusement park. A freaking amusement park, Caleb. I'm sure you'd enjoy it."

"Jesus, Madge," he muttered. I could imagine him rolling his eyes. "And you're the one always complaining about people making plans at short notice."

"No, I complain when people make plans on the day of whatever it is they're planning," I replied. "I'm at least giving you a bit of a heads-up."

"Madge, I don't know…"

"Please? For me?" Okay, normally I don't get like this, but I was desperate. I'd go crazy if I was forced to spend all day with that trio of idiots.

Caleb was silent for a long time. "…Fine, I'll come."

"Great!" I said, grinning even though I knew he couldn't see me. "You mind letting Josh know?"

"Not a problem," he said. "See you then."

"See you," I said before hanging up. I breathed a sigh of relief. Now, at least, I would be at least somewhat calm during the party.

* * *

><p>The ride to Sasha's house on the day of the party was uneventful. For once, Bridget didn't complain about the seating arrangement, and we managed to reach Sasha's house without me getting pissed at someone.<p>

When we pulled up, I saw that Audrey and Jenny had arrived just before us. They were standing at the back of a huge van Sasha must have rented to fit all of us and were placing a couple of plastic bags in the trunk. Audrey turned when she heard my car and waved excitedly as we got out of my car.

"Hi, Madge! Hi, Bridge! Hi, Yao!" Bridget said as we walked over with our own bags. She didn't even spare a glance for Mattie.

I just waved a hand in greeting as I walked to the van and placed the plastic bag holding mine and Mattie's gifts into the trunk. Behind me, I could hear Bridget greeting Audrey and Jenny, talking rapidly.

"So I was thinking that I'd find a really scary ride and go on it with Gil," Bridget was saying as I walked back to the group. "Then I'd have a reason to cling on to him!"

I bopped her over the head. "How like you. Now go put that bag in the trunk before Alfred notices us."

Bridget rubbed her head and glared at me reproachfully before walking over to the van with her head held high. After she had put the bag in the trunk and closed it, the six of us walked into Sasha's house.

"'Ellooooooo!" Bridget called when we walked in.

Almost immediately, Alfred was right in front of us. "Bridget! You remember today is my birthday, right? C-can you believe Sasha and Iggy forgot?" he said, chuckling slightly.

"…That was TODAY?" Bridget said, her eyes widening in shock.

Alfred stared at her, looking even more depressed than he had before. "…You, too?" Then he looked at me. "Madge?"

"Uhhh…nope," I said. "Sorry, Alfred." Not that I was really sorry. This was kind of amusing.

"A-Audrey?" he tried.

"Hm…I forgot, too," she replied.

"…Jenny?"

"Actually, I think I…no, wait, that's my other friend…I'm sorry, too. I forgot all about it," she said.

He stared at us in despair for a moment. Then he noticed someone else behind us. "MATTIE! Matthew, you're my brother! You remembered, right?"

"A-actually, I f-forgot all about it," Mattie murmured.

Now, instead of looking upset, Alfred was looking angry. He turned to Yao. "I don't suppose YOU remember?"

"…No, me either, aru," Yao replied, shrugging and smiling. Really, this was all too easy. I mean, his birthday's a freaking national _holiday_. Did he really think we'd completely forgotten?

Gilbert, Ivan, and Vanya came down stairs to join us. I saw Alfred prepare to ask them the same question, but before he could, Sasha interrupted. "Hey, so, guys, we have to all go visit my aunt. She's only an hour away." Lamest excuse ever, but considering what a moron Alfred is, he'll probably believe it without a problem.

Speaking of Alfred, he had curled up in a ball on the couch. "Have fun," he mumbled. "I'm staying. Could you pick me up some ice cream? And I wouldn't complain if you brought back a cake." Wow, I didn't think he'd take it this badly.

"Get up, dumbass," Sasha said. "You're coming." Whoa. Since when was Sasha assertive? I must be rubbing off on her or something.

"Fine, but I'm sleeping the whole way there." What a child.

We all headed out to the van. Ivan rode up front with Sasha, as usual. Bridget had somehow managed to sit between Gilbert and Alfred, and I was right behind her, sitting between Mattie and Yao. Jenny, Arthur, and Vanya took the seats farthest back.

As I watched, Alfred leaned his head on Bridget's shoulder. Oh, great, now she'll _never _shut up.

"Meep," Bridget said. Even though I was behind her, I could still tell that she was blushing. Probably grinning like an idiot, too.

I flicked the back of her head. "You're so stupid."

"Just because you have the sexual mentality of a ten-year-old, don't get pissed at me," she replied. "I'm the mature one. Sexually mature, not mentally, of course."

Christ. Ever since Bridget came back, it's seemed as though everyone's been playing a huge game of "Let's see who can pick on Madge the most!" Which, let me tell you, is _not fun_.

"…I'm the mature one," I muttered, leaning back in my seat.

"I don't think we need to discuss anything sexual when there's a child in the car," Arthur said from behind me. Oh, okay, we'll wait till Sasha leaves, then.

"Okay, Iggy," Jenny replied. "We can talk about sexual things when we're all alone." Okay, am I the only one here _not _fawning over the Hetalia guys? I mean, seriously, this is getting creepy.

"Big sister Sasha, are we there yet?" Vanya asked. "Are we?" And this is why you don't bring little kids on long car rides.

Ahead of me, I saw Ivan lean over and whisper something to Sasha. What it was, I have no idea. Probably something suitably creepy.

"Big sister, are we there yet?"

It would be a miracle if I didn't seriously injure someone on this trip.

* * *

><p>When we finally reached the amusement park, everyone except for Alfred, who was still asleep, piled out of the car. Once we all had the presents, decorations, and cake ready, we walked back over to the side of the car.<p>

Sasha reached out and gently shook Alfred's shoulder. "Alfred, wake up. Get up, sleepyhead!"

Alfred groaned and opened his eyes, still half-asleep. Before he could register what was happening, we all shouted, "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!"

"W-wha…? Is this…? IS THIS AN AMUSEMENT PARK?" Alfred said, staring at us in amazement. "DUDE! HAHA! THANK YOU!" He leaped out of the car, crushing Sasha in a huge hug.

"A-Al, you're going to crack my back!" Sasha said, laughing. He let her down.

"Thanks, everyone. You do care," he said, turning to face the rest of us. Just saying now, if he tries to hug me too, I'm punching him in the face.

"I do not care," Ivan said pleasantly. "Just did it for Sasha, da?" Way to ruin the happy mood there.

"WHATEVER!" Audrey yelled. "What are we waiting for?"

We all ran together into the amusement park. We stopped just inside the entrance, looking around and trying to decide on what to do, when Vanya noticed something. "OH!" He tugged on Sasha's pants. "Big sister Sasha, someone, can you win me that bear? Please!" He pointed to a teddy bear holding a sunflower at a nearby game stand.

"Can do, little buddy!" Alfred replied, giving Vanya a thumbs up. He walked over to the booth, which was apparently some kind of "throw balls at things" kind of game. Considering the fact that baseball might as well be the official sport of America, the game was ridiculously easy for him, and he won the bear with no problem. He handed it to Vanya.

"YAY!" Vanya cried, running around us. He was holding the bear up so high, all we could see were his feet. Ivan grabbed him by his overall straps, but Vanya didn't seem to notice, his feet still moving. "The bear is mine, big me!" He hugged the bear tightly to his chest.

"Da, it is," Ivan replied, looking closely at the bear's sunflower. "Alfred, win me one."

"WHAT? Win your OWN, dude! It's my birthday!" Alfred said, looking taken aback. What, so he can get one Russia a bear but not the other? At least he had the sense to give the bear to Vanya.

"Nyet," Ivan said, putting Vanya down and stepping toward Alfred. "You win me one."

"No way!" Before any of us could react, Alfred grabbed Sasha's hand and ran off.

I glanced up at Ivan's face. He was smiling, but there was a hint of malice in his eyes. "Sasha broke her promise."

I looked at the others and shrugged before following Alfred and Sasha. Ivan trailed along behind us, his arms crossed, and everyone unconsciously kept about a foot away from him.

Soon enough we caught up to Sasha and Alfred. But as soon as they saw us, Alfred dragged Sasha off again, this time over to a rollercoaster. The rest of us, excluding Ivan and Vanya, followed.

"Ivan is gonna KILL you," Jenny said when we finally caught up to them, laughing as she got in the second car with Arthur. Audrey and Yao got in the third car, and Bridget and Gilbert took the fourth, leaving the back for me and Mattie.

"He's waiting down at the exit with Vanya," Audrey added, snickering.

"Fuzzballs," Sasha said, and I'm pretty sure I heard her hit her head against the rollercoaster car. Not the smartest thing to do, but whatever.

At that moment, the coaster started to move, slowly climbing up to the highest hill. When we started the descent, I heard Sasha scream, "FUCK IT. IF I'M GOING TO DIE, I'M GOING TO ENJOY THIS!" Her hands shot in the air, and she began screaming as loud as she possibly could. The rest of us included our own laughter and screams throughout the entire ride.

Soon the ride ended, and we started to head down to the exit. As soon we we began walking, Sasha hid behind me. I glanced back at her and snorted. "What the hell are you doing, Sash?"

"Hiding." No shit, Sherlock.

"Obviously! Why behind me?"

"Because you're the only one brave enough to punch him," Sasha admitted. I didn't need to ask who she was referring to. I just grinned at her and held up my hand for a high five, which Sasha returned.

"Damn right I am." I laughed, putting my arm around her shoulders. It was nice, not being mocked for once. "Sash, we haven't had this much fun in forever."

"No, we haven't." She was quiet for a moment. "You know you're still my best friend no matter what, right?"

"Yeah, 'course," I replied, a little confused. Where had this come from all of a sudden? "And you're mine." We grinned at each other.

Okay, now for those of you going, "But what about Caleb?" I have two words for you: Shut up. You can't make me compare Sasha and Caleb. They're both important to me in different ways.

Speaking of Caleb.

"..And by the way…I kinda invited Caleb and Joshua. You don't mind, do you?" I said.

Sasha's smile stayed fixed in place, and she was silent for a few seconds. "No problem, Madge. Thanks for coming and helping me with it and everything, though. I know you don't like Al too much."

I shrugged. "You wanted to throw him a party. He's not…_too _bad. Of course I'd help, weirdo." I lightly smacked the back of her head, grinning.

Suddenly, Ivan was in front of us, and for once he didn't look happy. "Comrade, you broke your promise."

"I didn't!" Sasha protested, hiding behind me again. "Al pulled me away! There was nothing I could do!"

"You touch her, I'll punch your lights out," I growled.

What I expected to hear next was Ivan's voice, either saying something else or kol-ing again. What I _didn't _expect to hear was Caleb saying, "Why are you punching a giant's lights out, shrimp?"

I looked over to see Caleb standing there, grinning and holding a present. Joshua stood behind him, also holding a present. Where the hell had _they _come from? And why the hell is he calling _me _a shrimp when he's not as tall as Iva – wait, no, scratch that. He's actually about the same height as Ivan, maybe even a little taller.

_Really?_

"HAHA, DUDES, I DON'T KNOW YOU, BUT THANKS FOR THE PRESENTS," Alfred exclaimed, shaking their hands enthusiastically and clearly freaking them out a bit.

"Sorry, guys," I said. "Sasha's units are nutcases." Well, isn't that the understatement of the year.

"I've noticed," Josh replied, eyeing Alfred, who was still shaking his hand, and Ivan, who had started kol-ing. "So, where can we put these?"

"In the arcade," Sasha said. "Madge, do you want to show them, or should I get one of the nation –"

"I'll do it," I said quickly, grabbing their sleeves and walking off. I wasn't about to force them to spend even more time with the units than needed.

"Okay! Meet us at the pirate ship!" Sasha called.

It didn't take us long to reach the arcade. I led Caleb and Joshua over to the table we'd reserved. The rest of the presents were spread out on the table. "Just warning you guys, a few of the units are completely insane," I said as they put their stuff down. "Alfred, Ivan, and Gilbert in particular. The others aren't quite as bad, though."

"Don't worry about it, Madge," Josh replied, straightening up. "It'll keep things exciting!"

"As long as it doesn't drive you insane first," I muttered. Josh just smirked.

Caleb, who'd been looking around the arcade, suddenly pointed at something and grinned. "Look, Madge! It's you!"

I looked to where he was pointing and saw a brown teddy bear dressed up in a ninja outfit sitting on one of the shelves for the prizes. "Haha, very funny. And what are you, the dog with the torn ear?"

He shook his head, smiling. "I'm that giant stuffed dog that no one will ever get because it costs too many tickets."

"Because you're too ridiculous to get," I replied, whacking his arm. "Come on, let's go find the others."

* * *

><p>Sasha and the others were just getting off the ride when we arrived. We all rode the pirate ship one more time, then wandered throughout the park, riding pretty much everything. We probably would've kept going, but poor Mattie nearly puked after a really loopy coaster, and we all decided to head back to the arcade and watch Alfred open his presents, which ranged from nice (a camera from Sasha), to normal (a little American flag from Joshua), to just plain stupid (a free pass to "become one with Mother Russia" from Ivan).<p>

After we finished with presents and cake, everyone except for Sasha and Ivan spread out within the arcade. Josh and Alfred in particular seemed to be enjoying themselves. After their rather strange first meeting, they seemed to take to each other quickly, and they were practically inseparable. We could all hear them yelling abuse at each other as they competed for high scores on all of the games.

After about two hours, it was almost time to leave the amusement park. I was playing one last game of pinball, and I was on my last ball when something furry was suddenly shoved in my face. "Ah!" I heard the "game over" sound from the pinball machine and turned furiously to see Caleb. Of course.

"What the hell was that?" I fumed. "You made me lose!"

"Relax, Madge!" he said, laughing. "It's about time to go, anyway. And…andIgotyouthis." He said the last part so quickly that I could barely understand him. I was about to ask him what the hell he was talking about when I finally noticed what he was holding.

"…Are you serious?" In his hands was the very same bear he had pointed out to me a few hours earlier.

He nodded. "I thought you'd like it."

I hesitantly took the bear and stared at it. "…Thanks, I guess."

He grinned at me. "What are you gonna name it?"

"I-I'm not sure," I lied. I did have a name in mind, but I wasn't about to share it.

He shrugged. "Sure. Anyway, we need to get going."

I looked around to see that everyone else had already left the arcade and was waiting for us. When Caleb and I reached the group, it was to find Alfred and Ivan having a heated but quiet argument.

"I won't let you carry her, commie!" Alfred hissed.

Carry? What? I looked over at Ivan to see him holding a sleeping Sasha. Huh. She must've been exhausted to be able to sleep through the racket everyone was making.

Ivan shook his head. "Sasha is my comrade. I will carry her."

"Come on, dude! It's my birthday!" Alfred whined.

"No."

Alfred pouted and crossed his arms but didn't say anything more. Our little group began heading toward the exit, Ivan wearing a pleased little smile on his face.

After about a minute, I heard Ivan whisper something. I glanced over at him to see that he was talking to Sasha, who must have woken up when we started walking.

I was all set to ignore them when I heard a sleepy call of, "Madge!"

"Huh? What, Sasha?" I asked, looking over.

"Sorry for letting Ivan carry me."

She knows me too well. "Al tried to, but Ivan wouldn't let him," I muttered. "But it's fine. This once. He'll kill you, though."

"…Nah," Sasha replied, sighing.

"Go back to sleep, Sash," Audrey said.

"Yeah, you've been working too hard at work," Jenny added.

"Not to mention I _know _you've been up all hours of the night planning this," Bridget said.

"That was awesome of you, Sash," Gilbert said, walking over to her. "Here." He placed Gilbird, who was fast asleep, on Sasha's stomach.

"You did a good job, big sister!" Vanya said, grinning widely up at Sasha.

"I'll make you some tea and get you to bed when we get home," Arthur said quietly.

"Thanks for letting us come," Caleb added. Um, excuse me, but who invited you again? Oh, yeah, it was _me_.

"We had fun," Joshua added, grinning yet again. Is he ever _not _grinning? "We should all hang out more."

I twitched slightly. Yes, yes, this is super. Let's all say nice things to Sasha! She doesn't even have to _work _for compliments. She just gets them. Now isn't that _special_.

By the time we reached the exit, Sasha had fallen back asleep. Caleb and Josh had parked on the other side of the lot, so they said good-bye there and turned to leave. Before they left, though, Caleb turned back to me with a wide smile. "Hey, tiny! Make sure you tell me the name of that bear!"

I hugged the bear closer to my chest and glared at him. "Not if you ask me that way!"

He just laughed before waving and heading toward his car with Josh.

Sighing, I turned and followed everyone else to the van. We all got into our seats, and Ivan placed Sasha in the passenger seat and buckled her in before getting in on the driver's side. As he started the van, I glanced down at the bear in my lap. I don't think I'll ever tell Caleb the name I came up with.

After all, there's no way that I'd ever tell anyone that I'd named it Anders.


End file.
